A YOOK BY ANY OTHER NAME

Chapter 15: The Grape of Wrath

"A sad place," he remarked, taking her elbow to guide her toward a more pleasant glade of yooks. He had no idea how sad, no idea that back beyond the barn lay an implement shed, its single occupant's heart breaking even as they turned and walked away. Had they walked there rather than the sunlit glade, they might have heard the dull thumping through its walls as Sidimus banged his head in despair and frustration.
*********************
 

Now that his full armor was on and he had provided Joimus with the requisite embrace if not complete fulfillment of customary procedure, MaxiSid wanted to get out and about a bit. Ever since he had been Maximus, he'd not really had a chance for any regular, every day activities such as one often found in epis...well, OK, you're right, most epi activities did tend to veer from the norm just a tad if one were to

cast a critical eye upon them. But, despite that, he looked at Joimus and said brightly, "I feel like a picnic!"

Were she not so concerned over his slightly aberrant behavior of late, she might have smiled and said, "Funny, you don't look like a picnic," but she did not and so those words will not be written here. Instead,

she replied, "A picnic? Really?"

 

"Yes," he said, "near the river, with a blanket and...and...potato salad."

THAT made her truly smile, propitious accident of speech that the statement was for him. He had not been present at Himself's barbeque, you may recall, and that the words came out of his mouth was purely providential. He was, indeed, a bit surprised at the delighted expression that lit her face at his mooshy tuberous suggestion.

 

"You like potato salad?" he asked.

 

She looked at him wickedly, "You know I do."

He had not, in fact, been in possession of this bit of factual information until now and had never tasted the stuff himself. It was only that he had heard it mentioned as a traditional part of the picnicking ritual that he had brought it up at all. It was because he was feeling those deep gnawings in his gut again and knew he would be forced into the difficult ingestion process soon that had even generated the concept of the picnic in the first place. He figured it would be an easy, a simple thing to do with her and he might manage it without getting himself in trouble.

"Let me check the fridge and see what this epi might have serendipitously provided for us," she suggested, walking toward the kitchenette. "Hmmmm?" she said, pulling various things out and onto the small counter. "Fried chicken, various cheeses, grapes, apples, buttermilk biscuits, a bottle of wine, brownies, AND potato salad!" She turned, "Will that do, you think?" she asked.

 

                                      

He had never tasted any of those things, of course, and so just smiled at her, hoping a generic smile would answer almost anything. He was right, and so made another mental note of successful ways to handle humans. Joimus seemed very happy and content with him right now and he wanted to keep it that way for as long as possible, actually forever if possible.

She packed the picnic basket she found sitting atop the fridge, he grabbed a blanket off the bed, and together they set out in the noonday sun. He was getting more used to the constant weight of the armor and his vanity still enjoyed the presence of the glorious cape. Maximus himself, of course, saw the cape as merely warm, never wasting a moment's thought on how he looked in it.

                                  

They walked along the Never Never a bit upstream, finding a flat area of grass just in from its bank where he spread the blanket. She fixed him a plate with a little bit of everything on it and handed it to him. He studied it seriously, rolling a grape around with the tip of his index finger, accidentally getting a bit of potato salad stuck to its smooth green side. He frowned, picked up a napkin and laboriously wiped it clean. Joimus watched the care and attention he devoted to the task.

 

"Are you trying to entertain me?" she asked, hoping she was right.

 

But he replied, "One foodstuff has contacted the other in a disturbingly unclean fashion."

                                     
 

She, however, was remembering his gusto in having her lick the potato salad off his moustache at the barbecue. She decided, given his current proclivities, not to re-engage in such pleasurable activities at the present time, not truly having any idea of the ultimate wisdom of this decision, of course. The grape having been restored to an acceptable level of pristine grapiness, he lifted it to his lips, placing it carefully between them and just holding it there, half in, half out of his mouth. He was touching the inward half with the tip of his tongue, fearful of a repetition of the internal revolt he had experienced at The Rose Patch. The orb-like surface of the thing was smooth, and as a result of all his wiping, quite dry. She watched him, fascinated by the fact that his eyes were slightly crossed as he attempted to gaze toward the grape with both of them at once. He decided it was not dangerous and sucked it in...directly into the top of his windpipe where it lodged cross-wise. His seagreen eyes bugged, his face began to turn a lovely shade of Siddish purple. She tried to get behind him, to attempt the Heimlich maneuver, but he had on his rather unsqueezable cuirass.

He was clutching at his throat with his hands when Jack and Rose came up the path on their return from their walk. "He's CHOKING!" she cried desperately and the Captain quickly dashed up and whacked him forcefully across his back.

 

 

"Ow!" Jack cried as his fist contacted the metal of the cuirass, but somehow the sheer force of the blow dislodged the grape, which flew out of MaxiSid's mouth to rest atop the mound of potato salad on his plate, which then flipped entirely upside down onto the blanket. MaxiSid sat there, gasping in great gulps of air, his color gradually returning to normal.

 

"What happened?" Rose asked.

 

Joimus, not taking her eyes off Maximus, said, "He...he was doing...strange things...with a grape."

 

"With a grape?" Jack repeated.

 

Joimus pointed to where the offending grape, now completely covered in potato salad, had rolled out onto the blanket from the flipped plate. "That grape," she said, pointing at it.

 

MaxiSid, his eyes able to focus once again, looked at the grape, too, deciding that this whole eating thing was far too dangerous and wondering how any of the humans managed to survive it at all. Jack squatted near Maximus, putting one hand on his shoulder.

 

"Are you all right?" he asked, concerned.

    
 

MaxiSid nodded his head silently, still looking at the attack grape. Jack exchanged meaningful glances with Joimus. Both of them were very concerned, both still aware that Sid had definitely done...something...to Maximus.

Using another plate, Rose set about scooping up the spilled contents of Maximus' and putting it in a plastic trash bag. Somehow, the whole feel of "togetherness" of the picnic for just her and Maximus seemed no longer present for Joimus and she found herself quite glad Jack and Rose had arrived on the scene.

 

"Jack," she said, her eyes holding his, saying more than her words alone, "would you and Rose like to join us for lunch? We have plenty."

The Captain understood what she was trying to convey, so he turned to Rose and suggested that might be a fine idea. Rose was more than happy to stay. Joimus was pleased, relieved, and got out clean plates. Also, she had her chance to thank Rose in person for the remarkable restoration she had accomplished on her gown. She, Rose, and Jack chatted amiably for a while, ignoring the fact that Maximus sat there silently, looking at the food with narrowed, suspicious eyes. His gut refused to leave him be, though, not having been supplied with nourishment for far, far too long, and he knew he was going to have to face up to the fact that at least some bit of this repulsiveness would have to make its way inside him.

       

 

Perhaps cheese? Hesitatingly, he picked up a small wedge of cheddar and licked it. Joimus very studiously continued to ignore his actions, though she strained her peripheral vision to its limits as the cheese reached his mouth. She knew Maximus liked cheese, had seen him eat it often and with pleasure. Why was he licking it like it were some strange Mongolian fungoidal curiosity? He bit off the tiniest portion of it, rolling it around atop his tongue, then flattening it against the roof of his mouth. It stuck there and he had to scrape it off with his tongue. But the taste of it had gotten onto his lingual buds and he smiled hugely. She watched him, amazed that such a manly, mature face could manage to look like a baby having his first taste of ice cream. He popped the rest of the wedge into his mouth, closed his eyes, and just sat there, chewing in bliss.

   

 

Then he looked at her, his eyes all wide and innocent, and said happily, "I like cheese," as though that were the most remarkable thing in the world.

 

Again her eyes met Jack's. What the heck was going on? Jack was at a loss for anything to say on the matter, and when Maximus proceeded to carve himself a huge chunk of cheddar, he thought mayhap he would begin a new topic of conversation.

 

"Rose and I walked a good distance up the Never Never this morning," he said, looking at Rose affectionately.

 

Joimus had already become aware of the mutual attraction between the two. She was pleased as she knew how lonely the Captain had been of late. "Did you see anything interesting?" she asked.

"A house," Rose replied, "an old burned farmstead with only two chimneys left. It was very desolate and rather...sad."

 

Maximus stopped chewing in mid-mastication, a strange look forming on his face. He had gotten the hang of this swallowing thing from the amount of cheese he'd already eaten, so was able to get the lump of partially-chewed dairy product down the right tube so he could inquire as off-handedly as he could manage, "And did you see anything, anyone...else?"

 

"Just an old deserted barn," Jack supplied. "Why?"

 

"Oh, no reason," Maximus said. "I have not gotten to go up the river yet and was just curious as to what might be in that area."

He cocked his head, a complete poker-face masking his features as he added, "Did you explore around any...near the house, I mean?"

 

"No," Jack replied, his eyes narrowing a bit, "it seemed an unpleasant place, not suitable for walking with a lady."

 

"Of course," Maximus agreed, nodding his head, "not suitable at all. I have heard that downstream the scenery is much more beautiful...a much better area for walking."

 

Jack looked at him silently, his tongue tracking slowly across his lower lip. He couldn't put his finger yet on just what it was, but...something ...was definitely rotten in the state of New South Wales...and it wasn't the cheddar.

Johnny stood, waiting near the set, while Mary finished her conversation with Jocelyn. Filming was going to begin in just a couple of days now and excitement was running high. Jocelyn was a little disturbed, though, that Russell's attention seemed diverted elsewhere. He had assured her that he would be ready but she could plainly see that he had something on his mind that was concerning him. "Handle it," she had told him. "I need all of you."

 

It hadn't particularly helped matters, not really, that Andy had then piped up, "But you DO have all of him...all 26 of him." Jocelyn had heard tales, dark rumors, of how the filming of Cinderella Man had gone and she would have none of that...not on HER movie!

When Mary turned and began to walk off the set, Johnny strode quickly in her direction. He was happy to be back in rural Australia, even in areas that were more green than he was used to. That morning, as he'd walked by himself, he'd wished he'd had his old rifle and been able to hunt a bit. He was a down-to-earth man, enjoying the pleasures of the country, very at home there. Perhaps it was that very comfortableness he was feeling with himself right now, that made him freer to approach the young woman whom he found so attractive.
                                   

Mary saw him coming and smiled. He was slender and lithe, but also very strong, and she liked the manner of his walk, the way he carried himself. The fit of the white jeans wasn't bad, either. In spite of having spent many years now in Athens, Mary was never more at home than among her family's vineyards. She liked the vivid blueness of the Grecian skies, the wine- darkness of the seas, the smell of the land. They walked together, speaking of such things, pausing now and then beside a gum then walking on. The more they learned of one another, the more they discovered they had in common. Johnny couldn't remember when he had been so happy being in someone else's company.

 

Steve was feeling the same thing. Laura was not really able to go for long walks amongst the yooks yet, but the two of them sat on a bench sharing a lunch of tuna sandwiches. She smiled, listening to him tell his tales of the difficulties of properly lighting a pear, watching his fingers absently fold a stiff napkin into a small airplane and send it sailing on the breeze. She noticed he had glasses folded into his pocket and wondered what he looked like with them on. He said he hoped she didn't like Albert Einstein terribly much nor carrots in her pasta. He seemed to want to talk, to have words in him that needed to burst out as though they'd been pent up inside him for too long. Then he stopped, afraid he'd talked too much, but she just laughed softly and told him no.

                                    

He wanted to know about her, where she'd been, what she'd done, so she told him of the months she'd spent getting to know Paris and how she'd visited every fountain in the city of Rome. She had been in Toronto at the time Cinderella Man was being filmed and he felt a sharp regret he had not met her then. Then, silently, he looked at her, studying the way the shadows of the eucalyptus leaves played across her face, wishing he hadn't left his camera back in the caravan. Her eyes were very large, a nice medium blue, set well in her pale-skinned face. Tomorrow, yes, he would bring his camera.

MaxiSid was cheesed out. The delicious cheddar had ceased to occupy his attention. All he wanted to do now was return to the shed and make sure his prisoner was still there. But how? How could he ditch these three who seemed so determined to keep watch over him? Covering his eyes with his hand, he let out a long, tired sigh.

 

"Maximus? Are you all right?" Joimus asked quickly, as he had known she would do.

 

"I'm still very tired from the whole train wreck thing," he said, rubbing his hand over his face, letting his shoulders slump. "And this recent choking episode combined with Sid's attack seems to have gotten to me more than I realized." He exhaled raggedly, looking at her with half-closed eyelids as though he could barely keep them open.

       

 

"You must lie down," she said firmly, beginning to gather the picnic things together. Jack helped Maximus to his feet, and with Joimus carrying the basket, Rose the blanket, they headed back to the caravan park, the General leaning heavily on the Captain.

 

Once in the sleeping quarters of their caravan, Joimus moved to unbuckle his cuirass, but he waved his hand, saying, "Don't bother. I'm dead on my feet and just want to lie here," he looked at her then, adding, "a long while."

 

Jack had suggested she come to his caravan after Maximus fell asleep so that they might discuss what could possibly be done to track down Sid. She sat in the chair next the bed as he lay down, closing his eyes. In a few minutes, when his breathing had become deep and regular, she slipped out and hurried to Jack's.

He heard her shut the door softly and sat up, quickly swinging his feet off the side of the bed. Peering out the small window, he waited until Jack's door had closed behind her then opened his own just a bit, looking guardedly around the caravan park. It was early afternoon and everyone but Jack and Joimus seemed to be at the set, getting ready for the upcoming shoot. He stepped soundlessly down the steps and, keeping to the shadows, darted quickly to the line of eucalyptus that would lend cover as he made his way to the Never Never.

 

As rapidly as possible without exposing his presence, he made his way upstream, not even stopping by the burnt house, but continuing quickly through the brush to the implement shed. He was not sure what he would find, given the condition of his body when he had last seen it, nanosauce leaking out of his facial orifices as it was. He presumed that his nanotech synthetic form was not a good host for human life. Maximus may well have actually finally pushed open that pocked gateway.

                                 

 

Unlocking the outer padlock, he stepped inside onto the planking, his eyes gradually adjusting to the dim light. Across the room, right where he had chained him, lay Maximus in his body. His left hand, fingers wide, was spread over his face, while the back of his right forearm lay atop that. He couldn't tell if the man were alive or dead. He noticed a thick line of blue nanosauce had dripped down the front of his purple suit and a slight frown formed on his face. He liked that suit.

Sidimus had heard the key turning in the lock, the door scraping open, but he lay as he was, unmoving as MaxiSid entered the shed. In the quietness that followed, he figured he was being studied and moved one finger of his left hand just slightly so that he could see Sid out of the corner of his eye. He stood there, backlit by the light from the open door, in the complete array of the General of the Felix legions. Sidimus had to clamp his lips not to let a gasp escape them. Looking in a mirror was one thing, but seeing oneself in full three dimension for the first time is quite another. And Sid was so completely Maximus in form that Sidimus' eyes stung at the sight of him and a sharp, piercing pang went through his heart at the realization Sid may well have fooled Joimus and the rest. He had no idea of how Sid had managed this unspeakable transition nor if there were any possible way he could ever regain what had been stolen from him, all he knew was that Sid had to be stopped, even if it cost him his own body. Slowly, he moved his right arm so that it lay between him and the wall, his fingers searching out the largest of the mirror shards.
                                

MaxiSid saw the arm slide off Sidimus' face and said, "Ah, still alive, are we?"

 

In one smooth motion Sidimus sat, his arm moving like a blur, and the shard flew across the room, slicing into MaxiSid's left thigh. With a bellow of pain, MaxiSid fell onto his hip. He had scraped his cheek, feeling real pain for the first time then, but that was as nothing compared to the signals his human nerve endings were sending to his brain now. He clamped his teeth together as short bursts of sound and breath forced their way through.

                    
Sidimus managed a harsh grin. "Hurts, does it?"

 

 

MaxiSid rolled himself to a sitting position, looking at his leg as a bright red stain spread across his rust-colored leggings. Sidimus narrowed his eyes at him. "You wanted red...MY red, instead of your blue, did you not?"
                                      

A fairly clean towel lay nearby and MaxiSid ripped a long strip off it, tying it about his leg, glaring at Sidimus all the while. "How could you do this to your own body?" he finally growled.

"Mine?" Sidimus laughed humorlessly. "Have you not taken it from me by force?" He spread his arms widely, "While I...I am confined within this loathsome thing you once called 'home'."
        

 

Still gritting his teeth, MaxiSid indicated the large blue smear on the purple suit coat. "And what did you do to make...that?"

 

Sidimus laughed again, touching his fingertips lightly to the smear. "This? This was my means of discovering that I can't...kill...this body." His features moved at his words into a mask of pain, of loathing, of despair, that morphed into a cold fury when he stared at MaxiSid, asking much in the one word, "Joimus?"

            
 

Despite the searing pain in his leg, MaxiSid smiled. "She smells of warm roses," he said, "but, then, you...knew...that, didn't you?"

 

Sidimus squeezed his eyes tightly shut. MaxiSid knew he had him now, knew that he could inflict pain much greater than the gash in his own leg. "I've discovered the wonder of human skin in contact with human skin... the warmth and movement of her sleeping breath below my fingers." He smiled more widely, but Sidimus would no longer look at him. "I have seen the depth of Jack's friendship, the watchful concern of Himself, and...."

 

"ENOUGH!" bellowed Sidimus. "It is...enough."

 

"Not nearly, I assure you," MaxiSid continued. "I have only just begun. Being you is the best game I've ever played." Using the doorframe, MaxiSid gained his feet. "And I must return. Joimus will be ever so upset to see the latest harm evil Sid has inflicted on her beloved." He grinned, running his tongue over his upper teeth. "And, Bud...well, let's just say the good officer's blood is up and he's gunning for Sid...for you." He looked at the chained man across from him. "Not that he could actually hurt you, mind, but I'd still watch out were I you."

 

"You ARE me!" Sidimus' shouted. "Damn you! You...are me."

 

"And isn't that...lovely," MaxiSid said, going outside, locking the door again. As he limped away from the shed, he could hear Sidimus roaring and yanking on the chain. "Tsk, tsk, tsk!" he clucked, then focused his attention on getting back to the caravan park.

The return trip took him more than twice as long and when he got to the edge of the trees, he could see Joimus, looking desperate, talking with Himself and Jack near her caravan. He was, indeed, feeling quite weak and a bit light-headed by then, but decided to use the opportunity to its fullest extent. Unwrapping the towel strip from his leg, he buried it under fallen leaves just back a bit behind him. Quickly examining the closest tree, he picked the thinnest of its lower branches, leaned his full weight on it so that it snapped loudly and let himself slowly topple to the ground.

                               
Hearing the sharp snap, all 3 sets of eyes turned in his direction just in time to see the artful collapse of their General. "No!" shrieked Joimus as the three of them raced to his side.

 

He lay on his back, genuinely pale and clammy, keeping his lids closed. "Maximus!" cried Joimus, lifting his head onto her lap.

 

He let his lids flutter briefly, gasping out one hoarse word, "Sid," before feigning unconsciousness, which wasn't all that hard as his head was, indeed, spinning a bit.

 

Bud and Berti, hearing Joimus' cry, charged out of their caravan."What NOW?" shouted Bud.

Tears streaming down her face, Joimus said, "Sid. Sid has attacked Maximus again."

Bud turned in tight little circles of rage. Himself stopped him, though, with a sharp command to help him and Jack carry the General to his caravan. Laying the limp Maximus atop the covers, Himself turned urgently to Bud again. "Go get Stephen...and if you can't find him, get Franki or Marti!"

 

As Bud sprinted out and across the caravan park, Himself ripped open the rust-colored leggings, exposing the wound. It was a deep slice midway down his outer thigh and had begun to bleed again now that MaxiSid had removed the toweling. Joimus brought a fresh towel from the bathroom and Himself pressed it firmly on the wound.

 

"How in blazes did he get off alone in the first place?" Jack asked.

Joimus shook her head helplessly. "He...he was sound asleep when I left him, Jack."

 

But WHY," Jack continued, "why would he go off alone like that?"

 

"I don't know, I don't know," Joimus said, plainly distraught. "He's...he's just not been himself since Sid's first attack, you know."

Then she gasped at the thought that Sid might have done something new, something even more terrible to him this time. MaxiSid decided a low moan might be nice right about now, so turned his head slightly and fashioned a particularly heart-wrenching one. Joimus ran for a wet cloth to lay across his forehead.

                                          

Bud found Franki listening to Nash expound on the mathematical principle behind the movement of yook leaf shadow patterns. "Franki!" he hollered. "Have you seen Stephen?"

 

From the defensive look that instantly appeared on Nash's face, he knew Charles must be near-by. Turning this way and that, looking at nothing, Bud cried, "Stephen! Are you here?"

 

There was a bit of rustling from behind a yook trunk and Stephen stepped quickly out, medical bag in hand. "No," Nash said, his voice cracking a bit, "don't take Charles!"
            

Bud grabbed Stephen's arm. "Maximus has been injured," he explained. "He's in his caravan. You must come right away."

 

The two men headed rapidly off toward the caravan park, with Franki and Nash following a bit more slowly. "You'll have Charles back soon, John," Franki was reassuring him. "You know he just must be Stephen from time to time when his help is needed...don't you?"

 

"I do," he nodded, looking a bit dejected, "but I don't have to be happy about it." She smiled at him affectionately, truly understanding how important Charles was to him.

Stephen washed the wound which, thankfully, was a clean slice with no residue in it. "Made by something very sharp," he said, pulling the edges of it together in preparation to stitch. Epi medicinal practices were never very modern in form, but at least in this instance they had Stephen and didn't have merely to rely on garlic.

                                     
 

MaxiSid had been feigning unconsciousness but at the first bite of the needle, he slipped into the real thing, his mouth going slack, his seagreens rolling back. Stephen applied a healing ointment and as he bandaged the leg, said, "This should heal well. Leave a bit of a scar, but that's nothing new for the General, is it?"

 

 

He stood, pulling the covers over Maximus. Joimus was rinsing the blood out of his leggings. It was his only pair, of course. She came back into the room, holding them damply, frowning at the cut and the long rip that Himself had added. Jack took them from her, smiling slightly.

"Rose," he said, and she nodded. Jack left to go to Rose's, while everyone else but Joimus gathered in the front of the caravan to discuss the event. She sat on the bed beside him, holding his limp right hand to her cheek.

"This has to stop," Himself was saying. "I don't know how much more of this Maximus will be able to take." He noticed Bud's hand feeling for his shoulder holster and said, "No, Bud. Not that way. Bullets don't work on Sid. You know that."

       

                             

Bud did, but still he needed that feel of gunmetal under his hand.