Joimus, feeling rather tombed-out at the moment, turned and

whispered something to Bunny, whereupon the English cottontail

whipped out her sharp carving stone and cut the outline of a

revolving door on the wall of the tomb. With a light push, the

revolving door revolved and Joimus, followed by the entire cast,

Lachlan and Zack carrying the captain, stepped out onto.....

************

....a cultivated area of the Nile floodplain. Joimus took stock of the

situation at hand, and as the last movie she had seen was ROTK for

the 3rd time...and as they had already returned the Captain....and

as said captain was being limply carried between the aviator and

the Wookie...she decided that, having in the company of certain

members of the Barbarian Horde (a groupling of tiny childrenpeople

relatives) been forced to view the search for the baby clownfish over

and over and yet over again....that it might be wise to go ahead and

embark upon SAVING JACKO!!! Though, upon second thought, all the

stuff on the news lately might give strange permutations to the title,

one hopes that Crowedom would think of dentally captured clownfish

and NOT baby danglers!!!

SooOOoOOooo....Joimus turned to the assembled cast and said,

"I do believe that our good Captain needs to be saved from the

somewhat less than fortunate results of having licked a fingerful

of raspberry sauce contaminated with Palauan squid juice." As there

was much nodding of heads in assent (well, except for Sid's, of course,

as he preferred the captain senseless), Joimus continued, "and it

occurred to me (there was a sudden group intake of breath as they

were all too well aware of the dangerous possibilities in her statement)

that, as long as we are already in Egypt, we might as well turn

southward and see if we can discover the headwaters of the Nile,

hoping that, along the way, we shall discover the antidote to the

Palauan squid juice."

BertiVet shook her head, knowing as she did the limited possibilites

of locating South Pacific Palauan squid in the upper reaches of

the Nile...but...then...it was NOT the squid themselves that Joimus

hoped to locate, now was it? No, it was whatever rare and unusual

and completely unforeseen thing that might prove to be the antidote,

now wasn't it! It seemed perfectly reasonable that such an antidote

would be located whilst traversing the Sudan, or even possibly some

small tributary in Uganda. Well, at least to Joimus it did! Ando,

recalling how various 19th century folk attempting to locate the

source of the Nile had gotten beetles in their ears and been driven

to drive sharp objects through their eardrums in an attempt to rid

themselves of said buglife, was somewhat less than enthusiastic at

the prospect.

"Cheer up, Ando!" said Joimus merrily, clapping Ando on her

shoulder. "Just think...you can be chased by insane hippos, walk

barefoot across fields of sharp lava rocks, fight off ravenous

beasts of every description and even be captured by various and

sundry tribes who love the sport of sacrificing Londoners to the

gods of the harvest fields!"

Somehow, she wasn't exactly sure just why, the former Welshwoman

was not encouraged. Ando turned to the Bunny, who with her sharp

carving rock seemed the next best thing to the strangely absent

Boxkeeper who used to transport them from place to place, and

begged, as only one UKer can to another, "Bunny, you must promise

me that should I find myself tied to some about-to-be-set flaming

pyre somewhere that you will carve a doorway for me to escape

through!"

Bunny promised...subject, of course, to the whims of the Joimus,

and Ando felt the teensiest bit mollified. Silly Londoner!

"Gosh!" spoke up Lucilla, having had almost no lines in the recent

adventure, "Perhaps we could also find King Solomon's mines....or

maybe even Dr. Livingstone!"

"That's the spirit!" approved Joimus.

"Hey," piped in Amanda, "I'd rather find that young Lord Greystoke

than old Dr. Livingstone! And, besides, the movie about the clownfish

was FINDING not SAVING."

"Well," Joimus replied, "That IS right, Amanda, but as our dear

Captain is not lost, we need to save him, not find him, do we not?"

Amanda looked at the limp Captain and had to agree. She did wish

for him to open his lovely seagreen eyes once again and even to say

the dreaded "there's not a moment..." phrase. "Yes," she concurred,

"saving Jacko IS our most important task at hand!"

She would have been right, of course, had not the giant swarm of

locusts chosen that very moment to engulf them and begin munching

their clothes and belongings in an untowardly greedy manner.

It was all Ann could do to swat them off Terry's equipment. Finally

she had to resort to flinging her whole body across it in a defensive

maneuver of epic proportions. Biebe's hockey stick was quickly

devoured down to a mere nubbin. Maximus was swinging his rust-

colored cape ferociously in his attempt to save the remnants of

Joimus' gossamer Fuegan gown...though one did think he could

have put just a BIT more effort into it! Ando stood,hands at her

side, not making any attempt at all to preserve the sanctity of

Hando's TWP's (epitalk for Tight White Pants). It was amazing

how she could manage such a grin what with all those locusts

clinging to her lips like that.

Then, just as suddenly as they had come, the swarm left. Our

cast stood there in the floodplain, much less modestly attired than moments before. "Be of stout heart!" Joimus said loudly.

"It is WARM where we are heading."
                            

Yes, Ando thought, studying the revealed leg tattoos of the

Melbourner, it was, indeed, warm already. Eryn looked down

at the tattered remnants of her own Fuegan gown, wondering just

how much more of these epis the frock could take. Then she

looked at Colin, whose head was tipped to one side. The locusts

had eaten his left sideburn and the great weight of the remaining

right one had completely unbalanced his head.

Alex sat cross-legged near the riverbank, angrily plucking petals

off the nearest lotus blossom. His fedora had been digested! HOW,

he wondered, could he manage to go on without his fedora?!? It was

too much...way too much...to ask of him!

The Countess walked up beside him and he must admit he did find

some degree of comfort in the limited covering her gown now provided.

He was just about to smile when a large group of wandering djellaba

salesmen approached, needing desperately to rid themselves of an

overstock of 1600 of the flowing garments. Sigh. It was, after all,

a PG epi.

And, so, quite modestly, our Peeps and characters headed off into

the Egyptian sunset....followed by Joimus hollering, "NOOooOOooOooo...

NOT into the sunset! That's WEST! We gotta go SOUTH!"

Joimus had by this time thought better of the title and changed

it to Saving Captain Jack in spite of the lack of Tom Hanks amongst

their cast. She was sure, were he conscious, that he would prefer

the more militaryishness of that over the baby clownfish connection.

She watched the Golden Globe of the sun as it sank below the horizon

and feared that it was not in their reach...not this year, alas. So

she turned her face away from it, set her jaw, and trekked

southwards towards the breeding grounds of the insane hippos.
                                

Ando would muchly have rather kept slogging into the sunset despite

the fact that she would, then, end up in Libya. She had vague

dreams of surviving the Algerian desert and, perhaps, ending at l

ast in Casablanca where there was a particular gin joint she had

become fond of during World War II.

But, no, that was not in her cards. Joimus had stacked the deck

in favor of insane hippos. She sighed and looked wearily at Sue,

wishing she had strength left to offer birthday greetings. But Sue

had finished her countdown to the 20th of January and was busily

gathering handfuls of the plenteous Egyptian dust. Cort was occupied

in doing fancy twirly-whirlies with his gun and failed to notice her

approach behind him. Suddenly he was showered with the most glorious

fine and golden dust he had ever had the pleasure of being coated

with. It clung to his long eyelashes and when he did his famous hair

swirl, it floated into the twilight sky like myriads of tiny fireflies

on a hot night in July. It settled in lovely layers on his shoulders

and coated his...er...holster... most delightfully. Sue smiled.

Sometimes, she found, one could arrange one's very own birthday

present in the most satisfactory of ways.

And then the last curve of the sun was gone. Darkness settled

smoothly over Egypt and no one knew just HOW Sue celebrated

her birthday. Ando settled down, leaning her back against a log

near the river. How was a mere Londoner to know that logs near

the Nile are actually seldom logs?

She had just begun to doze when...ANDO ATTEMPTED TO ADD:

contemplating that she was very grateful she didn't get to find out

just how the Vile one celebrated her birthday in this epi, Hando

rescued his beloved Ando from the log which turned out to be of

the Swiss chocolate log type and which, therefore, was melting onto

her clothes. He took her far from the logs as he didn't trust you-

know-who, and started to remove her chocolate covered clothes.

Hey, he was going to clean them...why else would the sexiest man

on the planet remove the clothing of the woman he knew thought

he was the sexiest man on the planet? Sheesh, some people...

In a different and altogether more dangerous part of the epi,

they heard Ando's scream as she awakened from her pleasant

fiction of a dream and realized the log behind her head had begun

to move. She should have known that it would be only in her dreams

that she would get off so lightly in an episode and that, in truth,

it was...no...not a Nile crocodile she was using as a pillow...but a

male hippo, 7/8 thily buried in the mud. Their eyes met in the light

of the sparks being given off in the nearby darkness by Sue celebrating

her birthday. The hippo's eyes widened as he took in the sight of

the blonde Londoner. Could it be love? Alas, we were not to find out

for the former Welshwoman scrabbled to her feet and fled up the

nearest date palm.

Hando, awakened from his happy dream of bashing in heads with

pipes, walked to the base of the palm and called up, "Ando, are

you having a date up there?" He was SO jealous!

"No!" she shouted down, struggling vainly to keep her djellaba

from becoming entangled in the palm fronds. Sudden hot tears

fell from the crown of the palm, splashing on the smooth top of

Hando's head. How Ando longed for some happiness in an epi!

Sue was off there in the darkness doing...things....with Cort,

and there SHE was, her djellaba getting smushed dates stuck to

its rear and large male hippos having made eyes at her in the mud.

Hando's heart was moved by her sad plight and he began to climb

the palm, strong and nimble as any Barbary ape.
                              

Diz, noticing the palm, now clearly silhouetted against the full moon,

wondered what on earth could be making it sway back and forth,

back and forth like that. Later, in the morning light, she noticed

both Sue and Ando had particularly sloppy grins on their English

faces. Hmmmm? She hoped it might be catching...whatever it was.

With the coming of the dawn, the trek southward along the banks of

the Nile resumed. By lunch, Bud had trotted on ahead up a steep rise.

"Dam!" he shouted back at the others.

"Bud!" Joimus reprimanded. "No cursing in epis!"

"No...no," added Bud as they joined him. "Dam! As in Aswan."

"OooOOoOoooo..." exclaimed Grecian Mary, having grown tired

of Cort's constant dustiness of late. She turned eagerly towards

Joimus. "Do you suppose we could have a Cort-wetting?"

Joimus, who liked Cort both dusty AND soaked to the skin, was

all in favor of the wetting ceremony. Paula G helpfully sat on Sue

while Mary enticed Cort to the edge of the large lake with a glass

of water. She had cleverly known how Cort seldom got a full glass

of water and would inevitably follow one when it was being dangled

before him like a donkey carrot, if you will. Every Peep eye watched,

for, no matter who their favorite character, not one of them could

resist the sight of a wet Cort.

Mary, having been raised amongst the dolphinfolk of the Greek

islands, had VERY wet plans for the cowboy, indeed. "NooOoooo..."

cried out Sue, desperate to protect all the dust she had exchanged

during the night....but Cort had become deaf to everything around

him, so mesmerized he was by the large glass of water. Mary backed

slowly out into the lake, smiling. Further and further she backed as

little swirls of dust began to wash off the sheriff and float away.

Sue's eyes narrowed at the sight. Thank goodness, she comforted

herself, that there was dust aplenty in this epi and she would just,

by George, REdust her character at the first opportunity, she would,

she would!

Soon Mary was treading water, leading Cort to the edge of a dropoff

on the lake bottom. *SPLOSH* His head went completely under! At

last! When he broke the surface again, long wet strands of hair were

plastered down his face. Ahhh! Perfect! Mary whistled and clicked,

flirting outrageously in dolphin-speak as she leapt out of the water,

flipped twice in the air, and splashed back beside him. He would have

laughed with delight but, alas, being a desert-dweller, he had never

learned to swim and was, momentarily, going to engage in the process

of drowning. Mary, thankfully, decided he was wet enough and helped

him back to shallower water, where he stood, dripping in the most

appealing of ways. Yes, no one wore soggy clothes better than their

Cort! Every woman quietly engaged in the "beholding ceremony", then

sighed. It had been a long time....too long.

By late afternoon they had arrived at Abu Simbel, another of the

publicity-seeking Ramesses' monuments to himself. Joimus was not

particularly fond of the way the greedy fellow had either taken or

been given credit for almost everything that had ever happened in

Egypt, but she thought that, perhaps, there might be found some

possible antidote in the area of the temple. She would grit her teeth

and be fine....just so long as no one dared to debate whether he

had been the pharaoh of the Exodus....one of her pet historical

peeves.

Terry and East, who had been carrying the captain most of the

day, were glad to rest a bit in the shadow of one of Ramesses'

giant statuary toes. "Hummmph!" humphed Joimus. "At least he

was good for something!"

Jeffrey came up with a particularly large and ugly grey lizard

squirming in his hands. Squeezing it slightly, a milky liquid flowed

out of its earholes into Cort's now-empty water glass. "What are

you doing?" asked Terry.

"Going to see if this stuff might revive the captain," Jeffrey

replied, wishing he had some leftover soy sauce to make it more

palatable.

Terry smelled the liquid and wrinkled his nose. "Augh!" he exclaimed,

"It smells like rotted peacock tongues!"

"Strange you should notice that," Jeffrey continued, gazing in

increased admiration at the K&R expert. "The Abu Simbel grey

lizard is, in fact, a distant, wingless cousin of the peabird family

on his uncle's side, twice removed."

"Well," the ever near-by Ann spoke up, "just keep it away from

Terry's equipment . . . whatever it is!"

East gently propped Jack's head up a bit as Jeffrey poured a little

of the thick, white liquid through the Captain's lips. They all waited

to see what would happen. But, alas, apart from the new curl to

Jack's toes, the captain remained in his raspberry/squid- induced

state. Jeffrey sighed, "Well, it was worth a try," and he dumped

the rest of it out onto the sand where it fizzled a bit and sent up

rings of acrid smoke.

Joimus was glad to leave Abu Simbel behind and head out for the

desolate reaches of the Sudan. The ribbon of green along the river

grew narrower and narrower and it became harder and harder to

avoid the grouplings of insane hippos. Joimus studied the way the

rivergrass hung from their blunt teeth and wondered if, perhaps,

there might be some antidote in that. "Would you..." she asked

Ando....but the Londoner began screaming and ran over a dune.

Joimus never did find out the healing properties of rivergrass

crushed by hippo teeth, though, as suddenly....prompted doubtlessly

by the word "dune" the ground in front of Ando opened up and a

large sandworm bared its circular set of molars.

"Aw...SHUCKS!" the former Welshwoman said, her shoulders

heaving with a deep sigh. She turned and looked back at Joimus.

"Now REALLY, Joimus...aren't you going a bit too far here?"

Too far not being in Joimus' vocabulary, as was evidenced by

the way that....