SAVING CAPTAIN JACK
Chapter 2
by Jo Anzalone
Alas, such an adventure was not to be....thank heavens.....for just at that
very moment a shadow dashed down the street, trailing shredded ribbons
of some ancient whitish material....along with several rubies and emeralds.
The shrill shriek of a bobby's whistle pierced the London night. "Stop
that mummy!"
And....so it was.....that our merry band characters and, of course,
the quotation-markless-Russell found themselves putt-putt-putting in a
leaky boat down the Nile, headed for the Valley of the Kings. If only...
....the crocodile had swallowed a clock as proper, English crocs always
did, Ando might have heard it coming. Alas, the
Londoner was trailing her fingers in the Nile, her sparkly purple nail polish
glimmering in the Egyptian sunlight in a way Nile-ish crocs found irresistible.
There was a sudden watery flash as two large, dark bodies impacted then
sank beneath the lotus rootlings. Ando did a finger check...one, two, three,
four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven...yes...they were all still
there. Her English eyes then lowered to where the Nile waters were roiling,
resulting in many bruised lotus petals. A mouth full of teeth broke
the surface.
"HANDO!" she cried as the Melbourner bit down forcefully on a long
and scaly tail. She had not realized crocodiles could shriek like that!
Her hairless love hauled himself back over the railing, grinning. My!
How fetching he looked to her in spite of the croc scales still clinging
here and there about his chin. She wrapped her arms about him, not
caring her Fuegan gown was now soiled and wet.
Cyd, perched unobtrusively atop the white canvas canopy that provided
a bit of shade over the deck, watched Russell with great amusement.
He may have had his quotation marks blown away by the London wind,
but SHE knew his real identity. When and by what means, she
wondered, would the rest of Crowedom discover who was actually
wearing the frayed flannel?
Russell studied the western shoreline as they putt-putt-putted ever
southward. His hopes of finding himself in a more technologically-
advanced situation had been dashed. But, well aware of his own
brilliance and superb capabilities, he figured he would be able
to handle anything that might arise anyway.
And, right at the moment, what was rising was Terry's equipment.
Yes, the K&R agent was pulling a fish from the river. Smiling, Ann
watched the expert manner in which Terry's well-tended equipment
effortlessly
lifted the large fish.
Russell's eyes, however, narrowed at the sight. That Terry!
Always showing off his equipment like that! Well, he would get
his comeuppance yet... somewhere deep in the Valley of the
Kings. Russell let his eyes roam down the groupings of
characters. Mmmmmmmm? Mmmmaximus! Yes, the annoying
General was at the top of his entombment list. And Bud...yes,
the cop definitely needed to be dropped off a cliff. And just
look at Cort...oggling the endless supply of dust, doubtlessly
making plans for dust-exchanges galore. His seagreen eyes
narrowed. He, himself, was not at all fond of dust. It tended
to clog his circuits and give him bronchitis. He knew that HE and
he alone was the best of all the characters...the most
handsome...the most cleverly devious...with the best tush...
he should be the ONLY character! If he could rid himself of
these meddlesome others, then everything would be his alone.
Let them all think he was Russell. Let them all think he was
leading them into the Valley of the Kings in search of the
lost treasure hidden in the mummy wrappings of Pharoah
Russenaten!
"HA!" He clapped his strong, young hand over his mouth. He
had not meant to
"HA!" aloud like that!
Joimus stopped nuzzling her nose in wolf fur and turned,
staring at him. "Russell," she asked, "why did you 'HA'
like that just now?"
"I...er...um..." he stammered, "I was...um...'ha-ing'
because...because...a brilliant idea just came into my superb brain."
Cyd shook her head. Chipman must really stop with the self-
aggrandizement or he would give himself away.
Joimus' eyes narrowed. "And what might that BE, Russell?"
she asked, concerned at his ever-developing displays of ego.
"Why...er...why...I...um...have figured out the...the...
most likely location of the lost tomb of Russenaten."
"Yes?" Joimus prodded.
Russell's seagreen eyes did their own narrowing. That Joimus...
she prodded way, way too much. He would see that she
was entombed with the General...but, no, on second thought,
she would probably LIKE that! Before he could come up with an
answer, the prow of their little boat rammed into the dock
across from Thebes.
"Oooops!" said Cap'n Jack. "Sorry 'bout that! I'm used to larger
vessels!"
After characters had gotten back to their feet, they filed ashore,
squinting in the brilliant Egyptian sunlight. 1600 or so camels waited
for them.
Arthur stared at the milling mass of unpleasant beasts in horror.
"The bus? Isn't there a BUS?" he asked.
Joimus, picking out a camel that matched the color of Maximus'
leather, replied acerbically, "A BUS??? You expect COMFORT
and EASE in an EPI??? Surely you jest!"
Ando just rolled her eyes. She had long, long ago given up on
comfort and ease...all she hoped for anymore was survival.
A wild scream pierced the blueness of the sky. It was Colin!
Eryn had taken off one of her high heels and was waving it
menacingly at the camel who was dining on Colin's sideburns,
but the camel seemed reluctant to leave off munching the tasty
morsels.
Bud smacked its nose, which worked, except for the camel
spit that now covered the cop's face. BertiLuv frowned.
As much as she loved her character, the taste of camel
spit was among her least favorites.
Zack, having observed the sideburn snack, wisely kept well
away from the ingestion end of his camel as he lifted Susan
with gentlemanly flair onto its back.
Ando, perched atop a hump, was already heading out into
the desert with Hando pre-hump and Arthur post-humpily
situated. It was a true camelwich, with Ando in the role of
bologna.
Maximus gallantly spread his rust-colored cape across his
camel's back before lifting Joimus in front of him and
wrapping his arms protectively about her. Ah, the joys of
being the one at the keyboard, Joimus thought happily,
leaning the back of her head against his chest.
Biebe had fastened a large basket on his camel and had even
shooed the five cobras out of it before helping BugPugMom
inside. Some characters were SO thoughtful!
Jeffrey and Ute were rather far off to the left of the
rest. "Why are you way over there?" called out Phyllis.
"This is the non-smoking-Camel-camel section," Jeffrey replied
with a wink.
Once everyone was safely atop a camel...well, 'safely'
being a relative word in this case....Russell cried "Hut, hut,
HUT!" and all 1600+ camels headed off in a generally
westerly direction. After a while, they arrived at the
narrow entrance to the Valley of the Kings, dismounted,
and walked bowleggedly down the path towards the tombs.
Since it was epi day, no tourists or guides were
anywhere about. Russell led them with sure steps past the
entrance of tomb after tomb, finally going around a tall
outcropping of reddish rock and up a steep, narrow, scorpion-
infested trail.
"Scorpions! I HATE scorpions!" muttered Cort, blasting
several of them with his Colt and watching the little puffs
of lovely dust that resulted.
Sue the-thinking-of-being-Vile, smiled. Her cowpoke would
be so primed! Just wait till she got him alone in some
dark and dusty tomb! Chortle! Chortle!
Upwards, ever upwards, our band of characters made their
way. Where was Russell leading them anyway? The Valley of
the Kings was now far below and behind them as they entered
a hidden valley, tucked behind a tall cliff. There was no
trail here, only sheer rust-colored valley walls going several
hundred feet upwards on both sides.
Arthur was getting nervous, especially after reading the stela
graved, "Abandon hope, all ye who enter here." THAT, he figured,
did NOT bode well!
Russell smiled, waving them onward. "Come ON!" he shouted merrily,
"It will be FUN!"
How were they, innocent as they were, to
know that....