AN ELDEREPI

                       BY: Jo, Mari, Debs, and annsmac

DIRECTLY CONTINUED FROM THE END OF "UNDER THE TUSCPEEP SUN"

part 1...by Jo

Dimly through the fog, Cap'n Jack could make out the sails of the larger, faster Nazgul ship. Looking up at his own wildly flapping canvas, Jack knew his traditional sails were no match

or the enormous dragon wings that served the distant vessel.  He sighed. Yes, they would

never reach the Galapashire Islands in time to warn the Rohan Whalers.

Just then....

*********
....a heart-rending wail arose from the far side of the poop deck. Jack, making his way

across the slippery deck, skidded to a stop beside Susan Guildford, grabbing her by the

train of her long Fuegan gown as she teetered on the rail. "Susan!" he cried, "Don't

jump! It won't solve anything!"

But Susan was beyond all help, beyond all stopping. Tears mixed with seasalt upon her

English cheekbones as she pointed in wild desperation towards a mountainous wave.

Bobbing up and down up and down upon its crest was a golden pot with a single blue

poppy plant inside.
 

Every female eye turned, not narrowing at all, as Jack stripped off his wet wool jacket

and his wet poofie puffie shirt, shouting over the wind, "I'll get it!" He did a magnificent

swan dive off the rail, disappearing under the foaming seasurface.

The ship tilted crazily to starboard as all 1600 Peeps dashed to that side, straining for a

view. In the dark and the fog and the hurricane-force winds, not to mention the masses

of migrating eels and the flotsam from abandoned Bulgarian subway stations, it was hard

to tell just where their fearless captain might surface. He WOULD surface, wouldn't he?

"There! THERE! I see him!" shouted Phyllis, never having lost her confidence in his

survival as she knew full well he had a good 10 more books to be in. She shook her head, marveling at how the man managed to look so good even with those long strands of brown seaweed dangling over his ears like that.

Killing the giant manta ray with one bite through its spinal column, Jack grasped the

bobbing poppy, lifting it high for Susan to see. Alas, just at this point in the marvelously

sensible episode, a giant albatross swooped low, clutched the poppy pot in the toes of its

left foot and winged away with it, into the fog, in the direction of the Nazgul vessel.

Susan moaned. Diz, patting her comfortingly on the shoulder, said, "It'll be all right, Susan.

I bet your poppy will be waiting for you when we get to the Galapashire Islands."

Diz might well be right. Only she possessed the secret knowledge that the IsenOrcs aboard

the Nazgul ship lived in dread of the blueness found in certain poppies. She knew they would

fear destroying the plant and, once arrived at the Galapashires, would assuredly place the

poppy carefully on the beach.

"You'll see," she continued, "it will be all right."

How, though, was the Scottish lass to know that marine iguanas find poppy plants a great delicacy? How, I ask you, HOW?
 

But now...to return to the matter of getting the captain back aboard his ship. The Peeps,

miffed that any scenes of his swimming had been cut mercilessly from the film, collectively

held their breaths as a rope was lowered. Even Susan was distracted from the flight of the albatross by the way the rivulets of sea water coursed in glorious patterns down his chest. Bonden ran for the rail with a large towel...and would have made it all the way had he not

been tackled by Amanda.

"No," Amanda said sternly as she sat on his chest, "we want him wet....very, very wet!"
 

For some reason, these words made Grecian Mary, Lise, and Paula G turn and scan the

deck for Cort. Sue the Vile had chained him to the main mast in an effort to keep him at l

east partially dry and dusty...or at least that was the reason she gave. 
 

Meanwhile, back at the railing, Jack was being watched intently as he dangled there like

some golden merman. For the life of him, he could NOT figure out why they did not haul

him completely up, but let him hang there for such a long time with his pants all wet and

tight like that and drops of seawater glistening on his eyelashes. What COULD those

women be thinking??? He wished they'd pull him back aboard. Goodness, he was getting

more wet from all the descending drool than from the 40 foot waves!                                                                                          

                                                                                 
Finally some bloke with Weir on his name tag yelled, "CUT!" and, so, Andrea obligingly

sliced the rope, sending Jack back in for another wetting. Some Londoners, you see, just

never think white pants can ever be wet enough. Sigh.

"Look at that!" pointed out French Rose excitedly. "You see how well he manages to

repulse even the largest of insane octopus attacks."

The Peeps were, indeed, fascinated by Jack's oceanic feats. How comfortable he managed

to look in spite of the orca pod hunting him down for supper. How relaxed he appeared

even as the conning tower of the Russian sub passed so closely by him, to say nothing of all

the torpedoes. It was, in fact, only when the heavy spear went *thoing* into the planking

of the deck between Lucilla's feet, that the Peeps agreed it was, perhaps, time to bring the captain back aboard.

Hand over hand, Annette and Sunnie desperately pulled on the rope, only stopping every

few seconds to watch rivulets, as there was desperation and then there was desperation.

He was no sooner on deck, dripping fetchingly into a small puddle, when he shouted,

"Beat to quarters!"

Andrea checked her pocket, found only shillings, and said she wouldn't be able to do that.

Lucilla rolled her eyes at the Londoner's foolish misconceptions, grabbed a nearby club,

tossed a 25 cent piece on the deck and proceeded to pound it mercilessly. "There!" she announced proudly, "if only you had read some of the BOOKS, you'd know what that

meant!!"  Just then...

part 2...Jo

...everyone was distracted by Andrea's shout as she slipped in a fresh mound of pelican

barf and went head over heels. Catching her in his strong arms, bared to reveal their

blackened bone tattoos, Hando murmured softly into the Londoner's ear, "I knew you

were head over heels for me, my dear...but really!"

Andrea, puckering quickly, replied, "Kiss me fast...before Jo changes her mind now that

my bribe has arrived in Pittsburgh!"
 

Cap'n Jack, studying the pair through his ubiquitous telescope from two feet away,  was thinking, "By George! If I ever take up piracy, I can use this fellow as my flag!"

"LOOK!" cried BertiBold, noticing a particularly large, cylindrical shape in the midst of

the pelican barf. "Is that a MAP?"  

Sue, the presently-not-Vile-but-just-give-her-time,  was not one to recoil from a bit of

chunky barf, so she bent down and picked up the cylindrical object.

Flicking off several fish eyeballs and some strange greenish substances that were clinging

to its surface, she unrolled the tattered piece of leather. It was, indeed, a map.

"Here," Jack said in his best masterly commanding voice, "let me see that."

With one smooth motion, the captain wiped the remaining glops of clingy stuff off on

Hando's tight white pants leg, then proceeded to study the map carefully though his

telescope.

Hando made rumbling sounds deep in his throat. With narrowed eyes he growled, "That's

the second time he's done that to me. There shall not be a third."

Jack smacked him sharply with the map. "That's MY line!!!"  The smacking had left a

fish eyeball sliding wetly down the curve of Hando's hairless skull. Quicky and with the expertise of long years of obvious practice, Andrea licked it off.  She WAS Welsh, after

all!  

Just a moment before, Hando had been seriously considering kissing Andrea again, but

as he stood there, listening to her crunching on the marine vertebrate's occular equipment,

he began to rethink that thought.
 

Even Jeffrey, watching the stream of eyejuice meandering down her chin,  shivered. "If

only it had been soy sauce," he pondered as he wandered off in search of Ute.

"Cap'n, Sir?" asked Diz. "What's it a map OF?"

Slowly the captain turned the map so everyone could see.

Lucilla screamed, "Oh...NooOOOooOOOoOOooo! Not THAT!!!"

Yes, it was, though. It WAS that. The dreaded....spot. For a single giant black X was marked crudely across the entire face of the map.

"Cap'n, Sir, " Diz said, her usually stalwart Scottish voice trembling as she spoke, "what

shall we DO with it?"

Just then, Buggie, hanging in her favorite basket from the yardarm, called out, "Yoo HoOOooOOOoooo, Cap'n! We've raised the Galapashires!"
 

A terrible weight seemed lifted from Jack's broad shoulders and he grinned, "Then we

haven't a moment to lose!"

Amanda nudged Annette in the ribs, "He says that a lot, doesn't he?"
 

When he was in a terrible hurry, like now, Jack resorted to the use of the several giant

jet engines that were placed about his vessel to blow wind and seaspray in the faces of his

crew. When positioned correctly, they gave his ship quite a boost; an advantage few other

ships of the line could boast...not even Nelson himself. But, then, Nelson never had Weir

walking his deck, now did he!
     

Through his trusty telescope as the Surprise blasted its way across the seasurface, Jack

could see the distant shape of the Nazgul vessel at anchor in a cove. Quickly he devised a

plan to disguise his own vessel.

"Audrey!" he bellowed, "Man the barrels of library paste! Phyllis! Open the iguana crates!"

All hands set to work and within moments thousands of only slightly squirmy iguanas had

been glued to every visible surface of the ship.

Again Jack grinned at his own cleverness. After all, it WAS iguana-mating-season in the Galapashires, was it not? The Nazguls would think them merely a large, floating mound of

happy lizards!!! How fortunate it was that for days while they had been becalmed, the crew

had amused themselves by netting iguanas as they frolicked in the still waters around the

ship. (And YOU were wondering where the heck Jack GOT the iguanas, weren't you??

Nyah, nyah!)

All the Peeps, characters, and crew were very, very quiet as the Surprise slipped past the

large, unsuspecting Nazgul vessel, rounded a promontory of rocky land, and  Andrea

dropped the anchor. One of these years, one hoped, though probably in vain, that she

would actually learn to drop it in the ocean.

Once ashore, Jack walked crunchily through the Galapashire beetles, holding the map in

front of him at arm's length. "Here!" he pronounced at last, kicking a flightless robin out

of the way with his boot. He dropped the map and then pointed down at it. "You see!" he

said proudly as everyone gathered close to stare at the piece of leather with its large black

X. "THIS is....the spot!!"

BertiSmart had a bit of a problem with that for some reason, but decided to keep quiet and

see what happened next. After all, she figured, could not the captain have dropped the X just...well...anywhere....and then THAT would have been.....the spot? Of course, such a

thing would have demanded some logic and this was, after all, an epi.
 

Jack, however, was not the most current of all the characters for nothing. Being "current" meant that he was "up to date" on everything as well as presently playing at a theater near

you.  And, as it turns out, lo and behold, he was the only character who currently knew

what the heck was going on. (The epi writer certainly has NO idea whatsoever!) Smiling

his beguiling smile, he said softly, "Now, everybody....stand back."  And well it was that he

so said, for dropping instantly out of the sky, heading directly for the black X, came....

part 3...by Mari


. . . a woman!  Right from the sky she fell and right toward the X.  Jack, being the muscular

hero type, couldn't let her fall on her butt, so he reached out and caught her.  They sprawled into the sand together.

"What an entrance," murmured Jo.

"Sorry," Mari muttered as she straightened her clothes, brushing the sand away.  "And thanks," she said with a smile to the Captain.

The mighty Naval Captain, fearless Commander of the Surprise groaned, "You're not what

I expected."

"Hey, as the newbie to this epi, I had to do something to get in on it.  And how could I resist when you were waiting to catch me?"

"Yeah, yeah, so what now?" Andrea asked, wondering if she should have eaten the fish eye instead of doing something completely different while in Hando's arms.  Ah, maybe a later

epi would see her with a better situation.  She never seems to cut a break, does she?

"We must find my poppy!" cried Susan.

"Which way did it go?" asked Mari.

"An albatross swooped in and took it from Jack's hands.  It went toward the Nazgul ship."  Hando offered, running a hand over his shaved skull.  Dang, he did look fine when he did

that.

"I'm sure it's here somewhere," Sunnie offered

"If one of the iggies didn't eat it," muttered Jo.

"Nooo!  My precious!  I must get back my precious."  Susan broke down into tears.
"Hmm? You don't think the Nazguls would have it do you?"

"I doubt they have it," Diz continued. "More than likely, the albatross took it further inland

to Mordor for some wizard to use in his evening salad."

"Then we haven't a moment to lose," exclaimed Cap'n Jack.

"Yeah, he does say that a lot," whispered Annette to Amanda.

So, the Peeps and characters began the trek inland to the dreaded home of Sid the Wizard

in Mordor.

"Do you really think Sid will eat my precious poppy in a salad?"  Susan sighed.

"Not sure.  Sid is hard to predict.  He just does things without concern for anyone else,"

Jo offered, placing herself between Susan and Maximus.

"So, Captain, are you the leader of this Fellowship of the Poppy?" Mari asked, laying a

hand upon his arm. 

"I am.  I'm here with the Surprise.  It awaits us in the inlet." 
 

They walked along the rocky trail leading to the hill to where Sid lived.  It would be a long journey, but if they all stuck together, they could survive.  Besides, to fight the evil forces

of Sid and his army of clone Sids  they had to remain a team.

At the bottom of the hill, they all stood looking up at the massive fortress Sid resided in. 

Even at the edge of his domain, they were still far from their goal. 

"Why does it seem we never really get any closer?" Sunnie asked.

"Because this has to drag out for three movies."  Jo was always so observant.

"Wait!" Jack exclaimed pulling out he map with the big "x" once again.  "Maybe this is

really THE Spot!" 

"Oh good grief," mumbled Andrea.

Just then, riding upon dark beasts, THEY approached our confused yet humorous group

of Peeps and characters. 

The Captain and Maximus drew their swords, shoving the rest of the others behind them. 

Could they fight off the approaching hoard?

Just when they all thought Maximus and Jack were severely outnumbered and out armed...


part 4...by Debs (Erin)

A small shoddy band of short hairy men galloping on turtle-esque steeds, toward them. The

noise they made verged on inhuman and their stench was vile. They were the Press-Riders

of Helloeen, a deformed and in-bred race of 'Hobbits gone bad', a breed reviled by any who actually had the guts to make it into the big-time.

"Beat to quarters!" cried Jack as he tied his flaxen mane up in his second best velour-look scrunchie and held his rapier aloft, breeches straining, as the scent of battle filled his nostrils. "Don't look into their lenses! They'll try and take your soul! These are not men as we know them, they were once human but their vile trade despoiled them for eternity!"

The Press-Riders were coming thick and fast.  Maximum sighed, whispering, "Remember

if you wake up, and you are sleeping in a nice warm bed, the sun on your face and bird song

in your ears ... " Maximus flipped his cloak over Jo's nubile trembling shoulder to warm and protect her.

"Remember what Maximus?" breathed Jo, her breath coming in short anticipatory pants ...

"It means you've overslept, brave one!" added Maximus with a sexy smile and a shrug of his faux fur cape.

Meanwhile Jack was drumming up morale as the Press-Riders advanced  "Will we let the

finest flower known to Peeps become lunch for some B-Movie, bit part actor? No! By God

we must reclaim this precious thing for the gardens of England and The King! We haven't

a moment to lose!"

Annette and Amanda nodded knowingly at each other. "He's so wise!" remarked BertiSmart with admiration.

Suddenly from nowhere, as is wont to occur in an Epi,  a bright white light appeared - it was

a maiden on horseback approaching from North, north west ... or which ever way gave the

best light to Jack's rugged beauty.

"Jackeen, me darlin'!" she cried as she skillfully dodged the Press-Riders on her magic steed. "Jackeen, me sweetheart! I am Erin! and I have brought thee and Maximus the vests of

Methrill!"

She dragged her snorting, stamping, steaming mount to a halt in front of them and threw

two pink, and let's face it, rather cheap lurex tops at their feet. Her wild long red curls

flying in the breeze.

"Methrill? " The word played on Jack's tongue like honey on a hot waffle.

"Wear them and you will be invincible and invisible to the Press-Riders and their swords!"

"How can I ever thank you, fair maiden?" Jack's words were low and sweet as he reached

for her hand, bowed his head and kissed it.

"You are bold, sir!" smiled Erin as she stroked his cheek "But you need to get theses vests

on and join hands to form a ring, thus making you all invisible to the Press-Riders. Make

haste, Jackeen, my sweet. You haven't a moment to lose!"

"Not her as well!" exclaimed Susan, rolling her eyes.

"Newbies, eh?" tutted Jo to Maximus who was playing the fabric of the between his fingers.

"These contain nylon .... I can only tolerate fur, leather and cool metals against my skin"

said Maximus under his breath.

"Don't worry" cooed Jo, "I've brought the cream."

Jack and Maximus struggled into the pinks vests, having made sure that everyone turned

the other way to preserve their modesty. Vests on they formed a ring and lo!  They were invisible!  The thunder of the Press-Riders hooves passed over them and then there was

silence.  

Hando looked up and shouted. "Oh my god! Look! Look at the trees!" .............

part 5...by annsmac

Indeed. The trees were alive with the sound of … the deadly diplomatic plague otherwise

known as the InsolOrcans.

"This is why I hate fields," Ando muttered. "For where there are fields, there are bound

to be trees rustling nearby."

Thankfully for our friends, those silly Peeps, and the characters, the InsolOrcans were

satisfied with the sacrifices. Two sacrificial Peeps offered up to the altar of diplomacy later,

and even Joimus was ready to play again.

Well, perhaps not. Seems she was still hovering under the General's cape.

"Psst. Joimus," BertiSmart whispered to her good buddy. "The General's not wearing the

cape anymore."

Joimus snuggled further into the cape and tried to ignore BertiSmart, her original Epi-

partner-extraordinaire. But BertiSmart is not called BertiSmart for nothing.

"Joimus, he's in a vest. Some thingie that Erin gave him. You just can't see him because

he's invisible now. Come on out and play with us. Please?"

But Joimus was unconvinced it was safe to even peek out from under the cape.

"This calls for drastic measures," BertiSmart announced.

"No, it doesn't," Ando said. "It just means that I get to kiss Hando. And he gets to kiss me.

And I get to watch him do pull-ups in his TWPs. And Sue the formerly Vile gets to dust

Cort. And Susan gets to pet her Wookie. And you get to cuddle up to Bud. That's all it

means."

"We cannot let this go on one minute longer. We must call in an emergency epi-writer to

get things kick started and to force Joimus back into the arena. You all know what that

means," BertiSmart said.

From the assembled Peeps, those whose memories stretched back far too far, there were

moans. From the NewbiePeeps, there was only dread.

"Anything but that," Sue the VileOne whimpered.

"Save us, Joimus!" cried Amanda.

But BertiSmart was adamant. She closed her eyes and imagined another place. Another time.

And before long, the epi-confusion got more confused.

"Hey. I wasn't really gone. Just not very active. I did have Terry's … equipment to tend to,

you know," annsmac grumbled as BertSmart opened the epi-door and ushered her in. "And besides, sometimes, I even remembered that it was Andy who washed dishes and that it was Johnny who also had TWPs. But I would never have even met them if not for Joimus and the Epi's."

So annsmac took a good look around and realized something important. There is no moral

to this epi.

"Terry?" she asked her favorite character as she carefully checked out his … equipment.

"It's no fun without Joimus. Do something."

And so he did … indeed he did. Because he is, after all, Terry, the one who possesses the

most famous … equipment in CrowePeepLand. And, here to tell us all what he did, is

Joimus, because if she doesn't get back in here and do something, how will the Captain

return? So, without further ado …
 

part 6...by Jo

....Terry opened his camo backpack, whipped an object out, turned his back and proceeded

to use his equipment in such a masterful and commanding way that even the good Captain

was impressed with his prowess.

"What's he DOING?" muttered Lucilla.

"I don't know," replied Amanda, "I can't see!"

"That," pronounced annsmac proudly, "is WHY his back is turned! This is PRIVATE equipment-usage!"

Amanda and Lucilla rolled their eyes, their imaginations running rampantly wild. There

were only brief flashes of what Terry was doing, but whatever it was involved something cylindrical and brownish.

"THERE!" Terry finally proclaimed loudly to the assemblage as he turned once more to

face them all.

Everyone gasped! Terry had found the ultimate way to lure Joimus out from under the rust- colored cape! Of COURSE!!! It was so simple...so obvious...so absolutely perfect and failure-proof a concept!

"JoooOOoooooimuUUUuuuusssss...." he said in his rumbly, deep-soft voice. "Lookie what I

got!"

The rust-colored cape-tent over Joimus wiggled a bit, but no head popped out.

Terry came closer, held out the cylindrical brown object he had opened so successfully with

his marvelous, well-tended equipment and blew across it in the direction of the huddled mass

of epi-ist. The cape wriggled more vigorously. Little delighted sighs of anticipation were

heard coming from within.

Terry blew another time... a long, slow breath that wafted over the Galapashire landscape, causing nearby iguanas to stop in their tracks and lift their scaly noses.
 

"Ok...OK!" Joimus cried as she flung back the cape, grabbing Terry's cylindrical brown

object in both hands, holding onto it as tightly as she could. "You win!!! You know I've

never been able to resist this...not since my days in the archipelago that began this whole

illy business!!!"

All the Peeps craned their necks to see what Jo found so irresistible...though a few of them instantly knew what it had to be, of course. Ah, yes...it was...indeed... peanut butter!!!

"Peanut butter???? PEANUT BUTTER???" shouted Lucilla. 'She can't resist PEANUT BUTTER??"

Ah, had the Fuegan hostess only known that the reason Joimus was able to survive the

raspberry poison pies was because of the thick coating of peanut butter on the lining of

her intestinal tract, she would not have had to ask!
 

As soon as the jar was completely empty, Joimus went to stand atop a small hillock of

discarded iguana toenails, unfolded her worn and scarred battle shield and snapped it

into a fully-opened position, checked to see that the light sabre hanging at her belt was

fully charged, tied her ponytail back with a leather thong, and said in a loud, firm voice,

"There may come a day when Peeps are distracted by seagull counting, when Sue will be

known as Sue the Innocent, a day when Ando will develop a love for long hair, but not

THIS day! THIS day we fight!!!"

A wild cheer rose skyward from 1600 throats, trumpets blared, drums beat so rapidly

that it could in no way be called quarters but must be at least fifty-cent pieces, the hems

of Fuegan gowns were tucked up into belts, as 3200 evening shoes stomped and pounded

the Galapashire soil. The precious poppy had been taken to Mordor and was about to be

turned over to Sid the Magician. The unified voices of characters and Peeps fairly

bellowed, Pop-PY...pop-PY...pop-PY!" as they geared for the coming battle.

Maximus could not but smile. His Joimus was back.

Just then, from over the horizon, came....

part 7...by Mari

...Sid the Magician's first in command, a Siddite, or a Sid clone.  Sid the Magician must

have heard of the 'Hobbits gone bad' roaming the island andsent out his trusted first in command, Sid the Main, to investigate.  Good thing our Peeps and characters were still

invisible (though it never reallywas addressed in the past 2 epis, but hey, lets run with it.)

Sid the Main, dressed in his signature suit, all purple, and well, purple and80ish came

strolling out over the horizon to search for the stomping of all those evening shoes and

the calling for 'Pop-PY'.  Though nothing was there to be seen, it was evident something

was there.  (Even invisible, 1600 people plus a bunch of characters make a lot of noise.)

"Shhhh," Hando said to the ones still making the calls for the precious poppy, and the rest

of the Peeps followed suit.  It may have worked, but all of them shushing the rest just made

more noise.

They watched Sid the Main dash off toward Mordor to warn his maker of the coming

invisible horde, the Fellowship of the Poppy.

"Well, there goes the element of surprise," quipped Jack as he and Maximus removed the

vests making them visible again, along with the rest of the Peeps.

"We must get my precious," Susan wailed. 

Two hours later, the weary Peeps and characters made their way to the dark castle of Sid

the Magician.  Doom surrounded the entire landscape, evil permeating each Peep pore. At

the rise of the next hill, they looked upon Mordor.

"We have been walking for two hours and STILL we seem no closer," Sunnie complained

again.

"I told you, three three-hour movies over three years," quipped Jo.  "Takes time."

"Hey, wait!  Where is Susan?  Anyone see her?" asked a nervous Andrea as she clutched

at Hando's arm. 

"No, haven't noticed," Jo said looking around the entire group.  No Susan. Where was she?

"Well, she was pretty upset about her precious poppy.  Think she would do something silly

like go off on her own?"  Amanda asked.

"Death awaits one venturing out in Mordor alone!  How could she leave us?" cried

BertiSmart.

Just then, they saw Susan off in the distance with....

part 8...by Debs

...Erin's Magical Steed ... "Leave me!" Cried Susan "I don't want to drag you all into

more danger! I love you all too much to do it! Just let me and the horse get on with it! I

as the Poppy Bearer must do this alone!" Susan turned her back on her companions and

started to walk toward Mordor with the horse, who incidentally is named Flomitt.

"This is madness!" exclaimed BertiSmart, even Frodo gets to wear a cute Elven necklace

and a nice brooch when he stamps off on his own! Susan!  Come back!  You've got no

accessories!"

"This is hopeless!" sighed Andrea "With no accessories how on earth can we cash in on merchandise when this becomes a movie?" Hando parted his lips to speak, but decided

that silence was more fitting as he patted Andrea on the shoulder with a firm hand.

Maximus cried, "We can't let her go alone! If we do this Epi will be over and we'll go

back to being in the imagination of just One rather than hundreds!"

Mari spying her chance to curry favor with Jack caught him up as he strode on boldly,

singing a saucy sea-shanty to keep up morale. "Jack! Could you help me? I am feeling faint,

lack of food, water and ....." suddenly she swooned, a choreographed and not wholly

inelegant swoon. Jack caught her as she drifted to the ground, scooping her up, without breaking his stride.

"Lie still, little one" he said softy. Mari intended to stay there for ooooh! a few miles at

least ...

Meanwhile Sid was gazing into his huge crystal ball - he could see Visions of the

approaching hoard of Peeps and Characters. His eye trained on the figures of Susan

and Flomitt. "Ahhh! The brave little thing thinks she can go it alone, eh?" he cackled.

Turning to some odd flying monkey things that lived in the corner of the room, next to

the entertainment centre, he cried "Go my pretties! Go and claim the Poppy Bearer

and that Elven nag! Fly! Fly!" and the flying monkey things, in red hats, flew.

Suddenly Maximus fell to his knees. Jo screamed. It was the most hideous part...

9...by Jo

.....sight she'd ever seen....well, fairly close anyway...but Ando licking the eyeball as it slid

down Hando's head was pretty darn hideous she had to admit...but...I digress...well, and

then there was that time that Ando...ah, no...there were too many hideosities connected

with Andrea's storyline, each of them probably more hideous than what Maximus was doing...what WAS Maximus doing? HOW could the words "hideous" and "Maximus"

possibly be used in the same sentence by Joimus? How, I ask you...HOW? 

As her beloved struggled there on his lovesome kneecaps, she recalled the truly hideous

sight of Maximus, shot from his horse that long-ago  night in rural France and how the

latex mask had been ripped from his dying face only to reveal the features of Jay Leno.

Now THAT had been truly hideous! (See: The Russketeers)

As he struggled and struggled there on the plains of Galapashire, she recalled how Sid

had fed him the drugged headache cure that had led the General to steal his own sword

 from the museum. As he struggled more and more she recalled....OUCH!

A sudden strong hand gripped her ankle as a ragged, half-muffled deep voice croaked, "ENOUGH of the recalling, Joimus!!! Hit the #&*@#!?& ON button of your light sabre

and get this &^%$#@*&  monkey OFF my face!!"

Joimus was shocked! "Maximus, " she cried in distress of mind, body, soul, and spirit,

"who do you think you ARE? You are talking like Himself!!!"

Joimus was not used to the sound of such raw language coming from the sacred lips of

her General of the Armies of the North because Ridley had not been able to quite figure

out just HOW the Roman soldiers cursed and so he had left it out of his movie.

Maximus, however, was well aware that his Joimus was just killing time because she had

had no idea at all of why he had fallen to his knees like that and after her day of saving

various members of the Barbarian Horde who had gotten their necks caught between the

end of the couch and the bookcase or had threatened the dreaded poopy pants right there

in the living room and ...well, he could not really blame her. Still....he wished she would

get with it and unleash her light sabre in that way she had that was so adorable and

whooshy and all.

Joimus, alas, was still recovering from Maximus' imitation of Himself and stared blankly

at the monkey who was enveloping the beloved features of her General with its furry self.

"Why, " she thought, "this monkey looks just like the monkeys of the Wicked Witch of

the West."

She turned, looking around the scene. "Are we in OZ again? How could we be in OZ? BertiSmart...are we back in OZ?" 

*SMACK*

....Yes, that BertiSmart, she knew just how to snap Joimus out of it!  Joimus blinked twice

then her fingers moved in that assured light sabre-whipping-out-and-turning-on-glide that

she had developed those long years spent in wiping out the last scattered remnants of ...well

...I do digress again, don't I? 

Before her eyelids did their third blink, she was serving Lucilla a meal of crispy monkey-ka-

bob. Then she turned back to her General, her left hand feeling for the bar of Ivory soap she

had in her left gossamer pocket. But then she remembered how Beck had borrowed it down

by the river that Fuegan evening...with East...and the Crisco...and she smiled. She would

not really have plonked it into the General's mouth anyway....she did not want the taste of

soap bubbles on THOSE lips.

As Maximus staggered to his feet, he looked off into the distance where brave Susan was

riding alone across green fields with the sun on her face, astride that steed named Vomit... er...Grommit...or was that Flomitt? The pieces of monkeyfur that he had inhaled had

slightly blocked his synapses for the moment. He looked back at Joimus. "Have you l

ocated your missing storyline yet?" he asked gently, though with some overlying tones

of irony. 

Jo was desperate! She grasped passing Jack by his epaulette, swinging him off his path

as he carried the cuddly Mari. "Mari!" Jo cried, "quit this fauxfaint and man your

keyboard! I left the storyline in my other coat!"

Mari sighed. She was quite comfortable where she was in spite of the gold button that

had indented her cheek slightly, but...nevertheless...she asked Jack to set her on her dainty

feet just as a particularly loud....

part 10...by Mari 

. . . clap of thunder rolled over our nutty cast of epi participants to get their full attention. 

The entire situation had gotten completely out of control, and it was up to one person to set

it straight . . .  Well, according to Jo anyway.  Mari whipped out her laptop and attempted

to write order to chaos.

“This isn’t what I usually write, but I’ll try to advance this storyline. . .”

“What storyline?” cried Maximus. 

“Well, what do you normally write?” asked Captain Jack.

“Let’s put it this way, nothing that I can post on a public list,” she said with a giggle.  “But,

I can write good action adventure, too.”

“Bring it on,” Captain Jack said.

Best thing at this point Mari, the current epi author, could do was recap.  The entire cast

of this epi, Peeps and characters, were on a quest to find the kidnapped precious poppy

owned by the emotionally imbalanced Susan (or at least when it came to her precious, it

caused the strain to her sanity).  They believed the poppy had been taken inland to Mordor

to the Magician Sid who had a horde of Oz-style monkeys fighting our heroes and heroines

of the Fellowship of the Poppy.  Meanwhile, Susan the former Poppy Keeper rode off on

Vomit ... no, Flomitt, Erin the elf’s horse, to try and save her ‘precious’ alone and not drag

down her friends. 

That brings us to the present fight of the flying monkeys and saving Susan from getting

cap-- . . .well, crap, she was just swept off the horse’s back and was within the hairy grasp

of one of Sid’s playthings.

Jo, armed with a light saber (oh yeah, no crossover movies there) was swinging wildly at

the monkeys now retreating since they got what they came for . . . The Keeper of the Poppy.

“Ok, you up to speed Joimus?” called Mari pausing from her typing in an attempt to save

this story.

“So, now we have to save Susan!” cried Captain Jack, his sword drawn.  He looked darn

fine when he stood there all masterful and commanding.  It was almost as good when he

hung out from the ship from the rigging letting the sea spray caress his tanned skin.

“Hey!  Get back to the point, Mari!” cried Amanda.

“Ok, ok, had to have a small reflection of how dashingly gorgeous our captain was.”

“What kind of stories do you write normally again?” he asked in a low whisper.

“I’ll show you later back on the ship.”

The good captain actually blushed.

“Off to the castle of Sid!” Andrea cried.  She pulled on Hando’s strong arm and they all marched the dismal distance to the castle.  Eventually, to save his lovely Andrea’s evening

hoes from getting muddy, he lifted her into his arms and carried her the entire way.  (Told

you Andrea would get a break sometime.)

By that evening, our Peeps and characters were exhausted.  They set up camp for the night.  Maximus and Jo stood the first shift at watch while the others rested.

But peace would not see our heroes and heroines that night when through the darkness . . .

 part 11...by Debs

came the sound of clop, clop, clop.  Maximus held a flaming torch aloft to see Flomitt trot wearily into camp. 
 

"Jupiter and all the gods!" He exclaimed, torso gleaming in the light of the flame. "If

Flomitt is here, where is Susan?"  His handsome features full of questions as he caught

hold of the magical horse by the bridle. 

"Flomitt!" Exclaimed Erin and ran to her horse.

"Look!  There's a note!" Andrea leapt up from a very cozy huddle with Hando and took a

piece of violet coloured paper from beneath Flomitt's saddle flap.  Tears filled her pretty

eyes and she handed the note to Hando.  Hando handed it to Jack.  Jack shrugged and

handed it to Mari "Well you write, 'ergo' ... you read" he said matter-of-factly.
 

Mari took a deep breath and read ...

"Dear Fellowship,

By the time you read this it'll be too late.  The Poppy Bearer will have been brought to me

and I will be cruel.  It would be a shame for you all to miss The End Of The Poppy Bearer

so I have cast a spell on this horse and it will lead you to me directly. Follow the horse at

first light ... Oh yes! And bring tissues."

To a Peep, the Peeps gasped in horror, some cried, some rolled their eyes and tutted at such

a weak point in the storyline.

"Its a trap!" Jack declared masterfully. "I've seen this kind of thing before in the Indies! 

If we follow this horse we are doomed." Jack looked magnificent in the torchlight, buttons glinting.

All eyes now turned to Maximus, on his knees drawing tactical plans in the dirt. He was

busily dividing the Peeps into an army to take Sid's place by storm. 
 

Something caught Andrea's eye and she nudged Jo.  Erin was examining Flomitt and getting cross. "What's the matter Erin?" asked Jo

"Look!  Flomitt looks different, Joimus. In fact it's not my Flomitt at all!" said Erin.

Jack bounded over to help. "Can I help a lady?" he enquired with a dazzling smile.

"Ask this horse a question! " Said Erin "Go on, ask it who it is."

"Pardon!" exclaimed Jack, who wasn't prepared to go that far to sample Elvish pleasures.

"Are you Flomitt?" interrupted Jo, pushing Jack out of the way "Tap your hoof once for

yes and twice for no"

Flomitt tapped twice!

Suddenly getting the hang of the game, Jack cleared his throat and asked "Are you someone

we know?"

Flomitt tapped once!

"Oh my God!" shrieked Erin.

Maximus strode up beside Flomitt and stroked the horse and whispered into its ear.  The

horse tapped once!

Maximus turned to face the Fellowship, "You're never going to believe this, my friends,

but this is ..................

part 12...by Jo

......a major kink in the storyline!!! This Flomitty horse is none other than.... than....the

blue poppy!!! Sid's masterful spell-casting has given fair Susan  blue petals and a fuzzy

green stem whilst at the same time changing the precious poppy into this steed you see

 before you!" (Mari nudged Erin..."What just happened?")

Joimus grinned. She had never met a storyline she couldn't kink just to keep the other epi writers on their toes...snark!)

Terry stood there, eyeing the Vomit...er...horse...and wondering if even HIS marvelous equipment would suffice in restoring poppyhood to this strange equine form. Andrea had

been backing away from the present scene as quietly as she could, figuring probably with

just cause that any mention of the word "vomit" would surely come to involve her before

much time had passed.
 

Such was her concentration, alas, that she failed to notice she had backed for the last

several moments into a vast field of  Mordorian MangoMarsh grass.  With her vast

inexperience in all things relating to fields of any sort, the Londoner had unwittingly set

foot smack dab atop the single surviving nest of the thanks-to-Ando-now-extinct

Galapashire swanmouse. At the sound of the crunching of the two pale pink eggs, a form

rushed wildly out of the darkness, screaming great and distraught screams as it chased

Ando frantically about the MangoMarsh grass, brandishing a cello like a giant fly swatter.

"Hmmmm?" remarked Joimus casually, "I'd been wondering where Stephen was."
  

Now, back to the matter at hand...well, the poppysteed at hand. The fellowship of the

poppy had actually gotten back into its possession the sought- after object of their

desiring. Only...well...only it was making road apples right in the path of fleeing Ando

rather than fluttering its delicate petals in the breeze. Now THIS was truly a pickle of a

poppy problem!

And what of Susan? Yes...what OF Susan???

First light was lighting firstly even as they stood there in their gathered puzzlement,

staring at the not-in-the-slightest-bit-blue horse. EvilSid had plotted plottingly his plot to

have them follow the steed to their collective and painful dooms.  Did he even know

himself that his spell had twisted and twangled and that the poppy he had in his possession

was actually fair Susan OR that the steed sent on its mission was actually the actual poppy

of untold preciousness? One doubts that this was the case. 

Worse still, would Sid inadvertently WATER the poppied Susan, thinking he was doing

a good thing poppily-speaking, when everyone KNEW that when exposed to water that

Susan would...well...it was a thing too terrible to type.

Such a predicament! The fellowship decided to follow the steedified poppy, knowing it was

a trap, but hoping Ando, now fleeing in the right direction, would spring all the booby traps

for them along the way. That Ando...sometimes she was just SO useful!!! One could only

hope that the cello didn't make full retributive body contact before she had functioned to capacity.Hando was watching, though. Perhaps there was some hope for the Londoner... especially if another epiwriter took up the tale. But not yet.
   

Sid, thinking he was in possession of The Precious, walked about his mighty hall, grinning

as he held the golden pot in his strong hands. Susan would have been beside herself with

worry except for the fact there was not enough room in the golden pot for two poppies...so

she was forced to contain herself, causing great confusion and a loss of purpose for the poor golden pot...which was now in a very similar state to the plot.

The great river of molten blue nanogoo, a mighty tributary of the Fuegan flow beneath the Towers of Pain which seemed to turn up wherever EvilSid traveled, burbled and glistened between its steep banks. His eyes shown with secret pleasure as he studied the four nearly transparent poppy petals (Susan had the grace to blush).