What difference did anything make any more? The General was not who she had always believed him to be. There were no tears left. She closed her eyes and slept, drifting along atop the board. Alone. Or...was she?
********
Maximus stood in the dining room, his left hand rubbing the bleeding knuckles of his right, his face absolutely stricken. Had it been just hours ago that he had lain his cheek upon Joimus' back in the smoldering brush? They had been so very...one. His lashes settled on his cheeks as once again he painted the picture on his inward eye. He sighed deeply...covering his eyes with his right hand, his head bowing forward.

"Jewelie," Jim said softly, "Did anyone warn you of the angst level in epis?"

Jewelie's eyes were big and round with grave concern as she replied in a mere whisper, "I was told about the adorable ewes and the tinkling bells and..." her gaze shifted from the suffering General to Russell, "and the shirtless torso of Himself."

Jim nodded. "I thought as much." Putting his arm protectively about Jewelie's shoulders, he led her into the sitting room. "Come," he said, "Please...come...let us talk together now... very simply."

An involuntary shudder took Jewelie as she recalled how those exact words had ended up costing Maximus everything. Her eyes darted back and forth. Was there NO way one could avoid epiangst?

Sid lay sprawled on his back atop the patio flagstones, having been sent crashing through the French doors by Maximus' furious blow. He moaned, "Bu...Bunny."

Terry quickly scanned the assemblage, unable to locate the rabbit. He turned, more concerned with Zack than with Sid. Zack was sitting on the floor behind the drapes, hugging his knees and rocking slowly back and forth. Terry sank to one knee beside his furrier, younger counterpart. "Zack," he said softly, laying a palm on the agent's arm.

Zack looked at Terry, his eyes swimming with tears as all too many seagreen eyes had of late. "I...I...," he stuttered, "I never thought my Susan....not my Susan... would...would...with Maximus." His voice trailed off, the words too painful to speak aloud.

Bud walked over, standing near them, Berti at his side. "He didn't, Zack."

"He...he...didn't?" Zack repeated.

"No...it was a rhino."

Zack laughed sarcastically through his tears. "Did she tell you THAT?" he scoffed, a terrible mental image nevertheless creeping into his tortured brain.

"She didn't tell me," Bud continued in his somewhat less than satisfactory way of explaining this to his fellows, "I saw it myself."

Zack moaned, his mental image taking on new proportions. "Susan and...and...a rhino...on the BUS?" he spluttered.

"No, no!" Bud continued. "The rhino was never on the bus."

"Thank God," Zack sighed, "but where?"

"The night of the fire...on the Plains."

"F...fire?" Zack murmured, thinking of DroogHeeda's burn earlier that day. "Were there rhinos in the fire?"

Bud was exasperated at the way no one seemed to understand his explanations. They were perfectly clear to HIM! "Lucilla carried Maximus' seed onto the bus," he said.

"Lucilla?" Zack asked, even more confused. "Lucilla was...with... Maximus on the bus...too?"

Bud's fingers clenched in frustration. "No! Lucilla had Maximus' seed BEFORE she ever got ON the bus!"

Zack looked across the room at the General. My god, did the soldier have no morals at ALL? "Does...does...Lucilla have...have... gourdlings....too?" He was almost afraid to ask such a terrible question.

"No," Bud said, "She gave him back his seed just a moment ago."

"Gave...it.. back...?" Zack had never heard of such a thing!

This exchange made Berti curious. Just where WAS Maximus' seed? What had happened to it whilst the General was punching the ChipMonk? She left Bud's side and began to walk about the large room, her eyes searching for missing Roman seed.

Bud had noticed, of course, being the good detective that he is. Not Berti, too! Did ALL the female cast members want Maximus' seed? That was, alas, actually probably much closer to the truth than he would have cared to know.

Berti finally located the big piece of curving gourd shell on the hardwood floor near the salad bar. It was empty. She looked at the large bowl of mixed Italian greens.

Ute had just filled a smaller bowl and commented to Jeffrey, "My, what strange-looking croutons Mary is using on her salad."

"STOP!" shrieked Berti.

Ute looked at Berti, puzzled. "I know it's got carbs, Berti...but still..."

"No, no, Ute," Berti spluttered, "it's not the carbs! It's...it's...."

"Berti," Jeffrey interrupted. "it's good for her. It won't make her fat, for Pete's sake!"

Berti, thinking of the true identity of the croutons, sighed, "Yes...yes...it will."

Ute smacked the small bowl down on the tabletop. "Good gravy!" she exclaimed. "I won't have any salad then!" She stomped off, Jeffrey casting peeved looks back at Berti as they went.

Berti grabbed the bowl. "What to do? What to do?"

Bud came up beside her. "What are you planning on...doing...with that?" he asked, eyes narrowed. Berti blushed, causing the detective's eyes to narrow to mere slits. He had been right! Berti wanted Maximus' seed, too!

There was a russell...er...rustle in the rose garden...a thump of soft, little feet, and Bunny suddenly hopped over Sid and into the dining room. "QUICK!" she shouted, "Everybody pack NOW! We've got to GO!"

"Go?" said Berti, "Now?" She meant 'now' when she had just...at long last...come into possession of the precious seed herveryself. She tried a delaying tactic. "Where's Ando? We can't go without Ando!"

It worked! Almost everyone began searching for the former Welshwoman, especially the current Welshman. He had more interest than anyone else in where she might be...and what she might be doing...and with whom. He had, much to his possibly everlasting regret, not seen the Melbourner for a good while, either. He saw a trail of pink dribbles and an occasional lemon seed leading up the wide staircase. Pressing his lips together tightly as characters are wont to do in times of extreme stress, he followed the dribbles. When he found one of Ando's high heels cast aside, unheeded, beside some blobs of sooty mashed potatoes, his worst fears were realized. Angst made another epi appearance! Somehow...some inexplicable way...Hando had forgiven her.

He sank down on a step, his elbows on his knees, his face in his hands.

Jewelie looked up from the sitting room, and gulped. If only her ewe-cart were not crashed amongst the wildflowers, its bells detached, she might have considered another attempt at locating the elusive Malaysian sheep tracks.

"No," Jim said, his eyes full of pleading, "don't leave when we've only just met." He looked at the other cast members, shivered slightly, and added, "I think I am going to need your presence beside me am I to survive epihood." He was so appealing in his quiet earnestness, that she relaxed back onto the settee, counting his eyelashes.

Cort and Sue passed the dejected Arthur, following Colin and Eryn up the stairs. Sounds of firm brush strokes accompanied by low chortling murmurs and loud poppings of bubbles emanated from Mary's bathroom. Sue blocked the bathroom door with her arm. "Wait here, Cort," she said, her eyes flashing. She was taking no chances that Mary herself might actually be in her own bathroom. It had been a long time since Cort had been wet, since there had been a beholding ceremony. She had not worked so very hard out in the pea patch only to have her labors undone by the greedy Grecian. She looked at Colin. "You come," she said, eyeing his sideburns. "We may have need of toweling."

The threesome crossed the threshold, hot steam completely obscuring whatever...whoever...might be in Mary's whirlpool tub. A far-too-happy to be moral English voice was singing, "Rubber Ducky, you're the one...you make bathtime lots of fun!" Sue's eyes narrowed. For someone who had never reproduced, the Londoner was far too well acquainted with the inner workings of Sesame Street. Sue made a mental note to ask her about that later...at some less...bubbly... time.

"Ando?" she called softly.

Two growls penetrated the bubbles and steam, one Welshly English, one decidedly Melbourney. "Go AWAY!" Ando snapped. "Not NOW!"

"Why?" asked Sue wickedly, "Are you...busy?"

"Busy...is hardly the word for it," said Ando, beginning to stand.

"Eeek!" shrieked Eryn.

"Not to worry," Sue said wisely, "Jo is writing this, remember."

"Oh, that's right!" Eryn breathed in relief, knowing she would, thusly, be spared a view of Ando attired only in...water. She was, howsomever, taken slightly aback by the Princess Ariel outfit that Ando was actually wearing. She looked at Sue. "Disney? DISNEY?"

Sue nodded. "It's Ando's favorite," Sue explained. Ando just grinned sloppily. "We were re-enacting Ariel's revival of Prince Eric when he washes ashore after the storm at sea."

Disney suddenly took on a whole new meaning. "Well," I hate to spoil your fun," Sue said, giving the lie to what was, in truth, her most amusing avocation of late, "but we have to go....NOW!"

"NOW?" Ando shouted, "Why NOW?"

"Bunny says so???" It dawned on the dryer cast members that they had no idea why Bunny had said imminent departure was mandatory. Sue pulled the plug in the large marble sink, draining the bleach off Hando's soaking pants. If only she had thought of rinsing them. Perhaps she had. That could explain her slightly wicked smile as she tossed the once-again TWP's into the bubbles.

"Here," she said, "put these on and come downstairs so we can find out what's up."

"Hey," Hando growled, "they're wet...and they smell."

Sue grinned again. "So what else is new?" she managed to say before Jo could stop her.

"OOOoOOOoOoooo....LOOK!" Berti said to Bud, indicating the remnants of Sid's plate of mashed potato sculpture with one delicate toe. Bud, unable to bear the sight of his rump replica squished on the hardwood flooring, bent down to scoop it up with another plate. Cleverly taking advantage of her carefully-arranged distraction, clutching the salad bowl, Berti fled onto the patio. She stood there, trembling, in the darkness.

"Who's there?" asked a soft, maternal voice.

"Susan, is that you?" Berti replied, walking toward the lounge chair, admittedly curious as to the Englishwoman's germinational activities of late. She sat down in the chair next to Susan, the salad bowl on her lap. The light from the dining room chandelier gave a soft glow to Susan's skirt where the gourdlings were rapidly increasing in size. Berti, no sloth in gardening lore herself, was puzzled. "How did you get them to grow so rapidly?" she asked, thinking how all the laws of nature had been violated. Then, before Susan could reply, she rolled her eyes and shook her head. What was she thinking? When had the laws of nature EVER had any bearing whatsoever in epi developments!! But, still, it could be...useful...to know just how this had come about, especially as she herself...well...had a bowlful of the same...um... source material.

"I have no idea," Susan replied, truthfully. "It all happened while I was sleeping."

All unbidden, a line popped into Berti's head, "You're good, Spaniard, but you're not THAT good!" Hmmmm? Maybe he was? She smiled. No, she knew that the General was ever good and true of heart. It had to have been Sid, ever the opposite. She looked over to where he was lying, propped up groggily on his elbows. He was in no condition to be of use to her, even had she wanted to go that route. Then she noticed the shards of broken glass surrounding Susan's chair. "What happened?" she asked.

"Oh, I had placed the glass tabletop over my lap to help Maximus' seed germinate faster and when I stood, it fell and broke."

Berti considered this information carefully. Glass was good, indeed, in speeding germination, but, like the Spaniard, it wasn't THAT good. She looked back at Sid. Sid... glass! Of course! Sid and glass had a natural affinity! He must have done something to the glass whilst Susan slept. But what? Balancing her salad carefully, she bent and retrieved a large shard of the glass, holding it up so that the light from the dining room was directly behind it. Ah! Veins of blue streaked all through it! She smiled. Bud would be so proud of her excellent detective work! Well, that is if it weren't so intimately connected with her possible...um...use...of Maximus' seed herself, that is.

"Did I hear that it was time for us to be leaving DroogHeeda?" Susan asked, standing.

"Yes, Bunny says so...though we have no idea why," Berti replied, studying the front of Susan's long, poppy-blue gown.

There was a slight tearing sound and Susan remarked, "Oh, drat! My skirt is ripping!" As, indeed, it was, the weight of the two dozen large gourdlings proving far too heavy a burden for the delicate fabric. "What am I going to DO?" she moaned, looking at Berti. Berti's eyes darted about the patio, locating a large ceramic planter.

Setting her salad bowl carefully on her seat, she went to the planter, tipping it over and dumping out the ivy and geraniums along with the dirt. "Here!" she said, lugging it over to Susan and setting it near her. Then Berti bent and ripped the whole bottom half of Susan's long gown completely off, gourds and all. As she bundled them up in the blue material and handed them to the astounded Englishwoman, she explained, "It's spring... shorter skirts will do fine. You can carry your gourdlings in the planter."

"But...but..."Susan protested, "We're in Australia! Autumn is coming!"

"We're leaving, remember," Berti corrected, "It'll probably be spring wherever we're going. Maybe."

Susan rather reluctantly placed the precious gourdlings in the planter, then wrapped her arms about it and lifted. "Ooff!" she ooffed, "It's HEAVY!"

Berti, picking up her wooden salad bowl was glad at that moment her portion of the seed remained ungerminated.

Bunny had Maximus' undivided attention. "Bunny! Do you know where Joimus has floated?" He stood in front of her, holding both of her little paws ... er ... hands...in his.

She had much to tell, but with the General so close and his hands enfolding hers like that, she could barely think. Bud, his plate full of regathered potato sculpture, frowned. What WAS it about the General that all the females, no matter who their character of choice, when presented with the Gladiator all up close and personal...or even just his seed...got all tongue-tied and weak-kneed?

"I...I...," Bunny stammered. She sighed, then gently pulled her hands free and stepped back a couple of steps, demonstrating a nobility of character that made one wonder how she could be so attracted to somechip like Sid. "I do," she said, her eyes on Maximus' face, trying desperately not to be overly distracted by his intense seagreen gaze locked onto her.

She held up her marvelous carving stone. "I used this to carve myself a conveyor belt to convey myself down the bank of the river." Terry just to one side, nodded in approval at her ingenuity. "She floated to the coast, passing the mobs of kangaroos gathering On the Beach, and out to sea."

"Out to sea?" moaned Maximus. "Not out to sea!"

"Oh, it is all right," Bunny continued, she floated right over to New Zealand. I quickly carved myself a causeway and then followed her as she floated upstream between some high cliffs. A battle had been recently fought atop one of them and...and...," she hesitated, lowering her lids that the General might no longer see her eyes.

"What is it, Bunny? What happened?"

Bunny gulped, wondering how she could actually tell Maximus of the next events. "Well...," she continued, averting her eyes from his, "a man...had...fallen from the cliff and washed ashore on the banks of the river moments before Joimus floated by. For the first time since she set float on the board, she sat up. She paddled with her hands to the riverbank and knelt beside the man...who was wounded in his shoulder in the exact same place you had been, General."

Maximus clamped the tip of his tongue between his lips, his eyes clouding just a bit. "And...," he prompted.

"He was very handsome, with shoulder-length brown hair. He lay there all wet...with such a great profile and all. I crept close enough to hear her soft words. All she spoke, as she brushed the wet tendrils off his cheeks, was, 'Maximus has seeded Susan,'...then...then...she leaned down and kissed his slightly-parted lips."

Maximus staggered backwards a couple of feet. Aubrey grabbed his arm, saying, "Hang in there, General. Perhaps that was... all."

Maximus, seeing the stricken look on Bunny's face, though, knew there was more. "And...," he said again, his jaw working furiously.

"It was the King," she murmured. "He was in the middle of trying to return... somewhere... but when he awoke and looked up into Joimus' tear-filled eyes, he was so moved that he...he...,"

"He WHAT?" bellowed Aubrey.

"He...decided against returning, after all, and the two of them ... together ...they ...they...."

"Damn it, Bunny!" Russell roared, "what did they DO?"

"They left New Zealand by boat. The King said he had really wanted to enter some horse race and... and...she went with him."

"Oh, MY!" sighed Phyllis, "She's gone off to do 'Sandbiscuit'...and with Aragorn."

"Sandbiscuit?" asked Russell, completely puzzled.

"Yes," Phyllis explained, "it's a 30,000 mile race across the Saudi desert."

"Don't you mean 3,000, Phyllis?" questioned annsmac.

"Not in this case," Phyllis said. "The horses must cover the route ten times before the winner is finally declared."

"Well, then," Aubrey proclaimed, "there's not a moment to lose!"

Russell clapped Maximus affectionately on his shoulder. "She's just hurt. You can make her understand why Susan is bearing the fruit of your seed. Right?"

Susan, staggering in through the doorway, the huge planter in her arms, looked askance at Berti and her salad bowl. "Is it Spring in Arabia?"

Berti shrugged, "I don't think they do Spring in the middle of the desert."

Zack and Bud eyed the two women and their...containers. Matching low, rumbly growls rose in the throats of them both.

Ando flop flopped down the staircase, her mermaid tail not all that conducive to graceful indoor movement. Sue commented, "Well, Ando, looks like you're in for a bit of riding...sidesaddle!" Ando frowned. Did the Vile One have to look so pleased? Actually, it wasn't the fishy portion of the Londoner that was making Sue chortle so much as Hando's bowlegged gait in the bleach-soaked TWP's. She wondered how long it would take Ando to notice the fading of the leg tattoos.

Meanwhile, on the far side of the world and in the year 1890, Joimus walked hand in hand with Frank T. Aragorn. He was so handsome in his armor with the white tree branch design, the chaps over his greaves, the cowboy hat and boots. Why, then, did her heart feel heavy? Why did she glance over her shoulder every now and again, hoping to catch sight of something dressed in rust and wolf?

"No!" she thought, reprimanding herself. "He is not what I believed him to be. I must...I must...forget him."

But, still, her brain cells roared, "Maximus....Maximus...Maximus...." And, still, her eyes blinked back tears. Squaring her shoulders and lifting her chin determinedly, she asked Frankagorn, "Will you show me your horse?"

He smiled, "That...and more."