THE PLOT OF ROBIN HOOD

By Jo

 

Quite some months back when the plot of the new movie seemed to change daily from

its focus, from just who it was or was not that Russell would play, I made a short version

of this. Now, even though the movie is finished, though not due for release for some

months yet, leaving us still rather in the dark plot-wisely speaking, I've sort of, um,

enlarged it, making it a tour through movies...


 

Once upon a time there was a lovely manperson named Mr. Hood, who upon finding a sword
in a mossy rock and withdrawing it...

 

...was so happy...

 

...that he lay down his weaponry and...

 

...left the sea...

 

...went alone into the jungle to...

 

...search through the mud until...

 

...at long, long last he saw...

 

...the man in the top hat, the ONLY man who could show him where...

 

...his father...

 

...had hidden under the secret X...

 

...the new clothing he now found he so desperately needed.

Alas, much lay between him and his destined destination...like...



...rather unpleasant moments of sheer torture...and...



...fierce warrior editors...not to mention...



...tribes of hungry natives...and...

 

 

...unpleasant persons of various sorts...

 

 

...and more sorts...and...



...cliff edges. BUT...Mr. Hood was intrepid and continued on and on until he encountered...



...the guardian of the big X...and then he knew he had arrived.

 

 

Alas, unable to provide the password to the red-eyed man with the terrible headache...

 

 

...he was threatened with assorted possibilities...

 

 

...very assorted...all unappealing...

 

 

...some less appealing than others...

 

 

Seeking some way out of the fix he found himself in...

 

 

...he cleverly disguised himself in a way where absolutely NO ONE would EVER recognize him for who he was...

 

 

...which was, of course, the King ...

 

 

...he gathered a small group of folk who just happened to be passing by...

 

 

...leading them through the myriad passageways...

 

 

...very cautiously so that none might become Lost...

 

 

...or burnt alive..

 

 

...or left stranded in vast fields of wheat with no General to show them passage...

 

 

...keeping them well fed at all times...

 

 

...and away from poisonous green gasses

 

 

...overbright sunlight...

 

 

...dangerous rabbits...

 

 

...untoward hair styles...

 

 

...Indians...

 

 

...and truly, truly frightening characters...

 

 

...he paused, at last...

 

 

...having found the man with the dog who would be able...

 

 

...to get them on the right road.

 

 

Smiling with satisfaction, our intrepid Mr. Hood...

 

 

...mounted a nearby yak...

 

 

...and knowing there was no comparison with anyone else...

 

 

...set off with great determination and an eagle on his wrist.

 

 

Sure enough, before long he'd located the great Red Wizard...

 

 

...who transformed him into the only appearance that would...

 

 

...get him safely past not only the first guardian of the secret...

 

 

...but also the second...

 

 

...the third...

 

 

...and the truly awesome fourth...


At last, finding the magic hat, he offered it to the nymph who could grant him entrance.



Crossing the bridge,


...he fought his way up the stone steps...

 

 

...past one pirate...

 

 

...after another...


...and was totally amazed when he saw...


...another seeker had gotten there first.



He paused, thinking deeply in his usual manner...then...

 

 

...resting his boot upon an ivied rock...

 

 

...considered his options.

 

 

"Come," he said, in his deep voice, gesturing for the other to advance.

 

 

When that didn't work, he tried something more...subtle.

 

 

"I'm friendly," he smiled, "and mean you no harm."

 

 

The other kept carefully behind his bush, peering warily at the new arrival, who...

 

 

...still seemed rather suspicious to him.

 

 

Leaning casually against a tree so as to disarm the other's fears...

 

 

...he produced a woman from behind the tree. "See," he continued to smile, "a man with

both hands clamped so tightly about female arms can surely do you no harm."

 

 

Then he even danced with her to demonstrate his harmlessness and good intentions.

 

 

But...in his mind...he was not so friendly...

 

 

...no...

 

 

...not really...

 

 

...not at all. And not only that, he was growing impatient and...

 

 

...so he knelt...staring intently at the being who blocked his path...

 

 

Sighing, he lifted his chin high, knowing he must needs put an end to this delay,

however reluctant he might be to impale small alien beings.

 

 

Just as he was advancing...

 

 

...a beautiful woman was suddenly there...

 

 

...and wished to have a word with him.



Not reluctant now at all, he had...many...words with her, some quite wordless in nature.

 

 

Finally, she convinced him to lay down his weaponry...

 

 

...change into more comfortable clothing...

 

 

...follow a different profession...

 

 

...maybe. He wasn't so sure about that.



...and just sit on her porch, waiting to see how the script would actually turn out.

 

 

 

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