CROSSING AUSTRALIA
She walked past
them, shaking her head back and forth a bit like an over-stretched bobble, coming up to Himself and Laura as he began what passed as an explanation. When he got to the part about former Prime Ministers and tingle trees in the Valley of the Giants, she tapped his shoulder.
"Are the giants jolly," she asked, "and...green?"
Himself was not in the mood for levity, especially concerning... vegetables. "You think it's a JOKE, BertiBad, that I have to get 4 1/2 completely stoned characters clear across AUSTRALIA???"
She turned her head again, carefully studying the row. "Hmmmm?" she hmmmed. "One might have thought Hando would be stoned, but never, well, Cort."
"He's not stoned," Sue growled, "he's rocked."
"Stoned...rocked!" Himself shouted, waving his hands a bit wildly now. "HOW am I going to TRANSPORT them?!?"
Annsmac looked sadly at Terry's equipment. "Carefully, Himself," she intoned seriously, "very, very....carefully."
"What about crates?" BertiWise asked. "Or some sort of large packing boxes?"
Terry was horrified. "I cannot be...be...BOXED!" he exploded.
Himself, annsmac, and Berti all studied him. He was right. He was still half alive. Well, the top half of him was ALL alive, of course, but the bottom half was another matter and that matter was...ack...granite.
"Can he eat?" Berti asked annsmac
Terry frowned. "Of COURSE I can eat! There's nothing wrong with my stomach."
"But...," BertiCurious continued, "um...where would it...go?"
Annsmac kicked her in the shins. "Stop that!"
Grinning...just slightly...Berti then began to wonder where Joimus and Maximus were. Ever since the new epis had started again, they had had no real angst. She knew, of course, that this state of affairs would never continue for long. And, as if to prove her point, Bunny came down the hallway just then, accompanied by Sid, who was carrying little Livi in his arms. So much time had passed whilst Himself was captured and all that Livi was now a bouncing 6 month old. The only problem with that was that, well, he had come into this world a veritable clone of Maximus
and as he had grown, every day looked even MORE like his genetic father.
Sid, noting Berti's open stare at his little bundle of joy, stopped and turned the child for her to get an even better view of his remarkable features and thick black hair. Berti blew out a quiet breath. The resemblance was nothing less than...amazing. Out of the corner of his eye, Sid noticed the General's arrival in the hallway.
Smiling, he said brightly to Berti. "Would you like to see his little trick?" Holding the baby a bit in front of him, he said, "Come, Livi," and Livi obligingly tipped his little head forward, sharply smacking his forehead against Sid's. Sid laughed with pleasure, his eyes darting quickly to the side to make sure Maximus had seen.
"Strength and honor, Livi!" he chortled. "Strength and honor, my little son."
He was rewarded by the sudden working of Maximus' jaw muscle and a small twitch below one eyelid. Then, as usual, Joimus spoiled Sid's fun by laying a soft hand on the General's forearm. He turned and she gently handed him the sleeping Dess. Dess, too, was a beautiful child and very like his father in appearance, though that resemblance had been toned down by an overlay of Joimus' genes, making his hair more chestnut and his eyes a striking aqua. He nestled comfortably into the curve of Maximus' arm and the General looked at him a long while, stroking his cheek with the tip of one finger.
Sid, his good time ruined by the Pittsburgher, turned his attention to the
statues. "What's all this...rubble?" he asked Berti.
"As you see," she replied, indicating the row with a slight wave of her
hand, "some of your fellows have become mere statues of their former
selves."
Sid cocked his head, truly interested. What a great idea! Why hadn't he
thought of that himself! He looked back at the General, still all pink and breathing. Too bad! "One hopes they will... stay...that way?" he remarked hopefully to Berti.
"I guess you haven't heard yet," Berti continued. "We are all leaving Sydney ASAP to hunt for the single tingle."
Sid raised both eyebrows. "Surely," he said, "even... she...would not actually come up with a plot like...that?"
"Oh, it's not a plot," Berti laughed. "You should know we never have one of those!"
"True," Sid agreed, "but...still."
"Well, we can't leave 4 1/2 characters in this solid condition, now can we?"
"Why not?" He thought it was a vast improvement.
"Well, for one thing," Berti continued, indicating Terry, "he can eat but he can't digest." At annsmac's frighteningly deadly frown, she refrained from adding the "or..." she had thought of. "And so...," she went on, "we must find the tiny spring of red liquid betwixt the roots of the single tingle in the Valley of the Giants."
"Betwixt?" he repeated.
Berti just shrugged. She had moments like that linguistically that were simply not her fault.
"And where might this valley...be?" he asked.
"On the far side of Australia," she said. "She was going to call this storyline 'The Crossing', but when Johnny fainted, she changed it to 'Crossing Australia' in an unusual fit of compassion."
"Did someone mention 'the far side of'?" asked Aubrey, walking out the
apartment doorway with a perfectly normal gait. Now that 6 months had passed, his leg had healed and he was himself again.
"He is NOT Himself!" groused Himself. "I'M Himself!!!"
"Yes, but you WERE me and therefore I am you....a bit anyway," Aubrey smiled.
"That's what I said," Max chimed in.
Aubrey looked at Max, whom he'd never seen before. "And who might you be?"
Max extended his right hand. "I'm Max, Captain. Glad to meet you."
The Captain's eyes quickly sought out the General. Max, observing, laughed softly. "No, not THAT Max! I'm just simply M-A-X. He's the only Maximus around here."
Sid cuddled Livi a bit closer. He wouldn't be...always. Not if he had anything to say about it.
"Where did you come from?" Sid asked suspiciously, hating the thought that there might now be yet another disgustingly inferior character he would have to put up with.
"Provence," Max said brightly. "Just finished 'A Good Year' for Himself."
"But...," Aubrey said, puzzled, "was not Himself held captive all these months by a crazed former Prime Minister in a cavern below this very Wharf?"
"That's what I told him," Himself joined in, "but he insists he made the movie anyway....without me."
"How very...extraordinary," Sid almost beamed. "Without Himself, you say?" He liked the idea of that. Handing Livi to Bunny, he put his arm around Max's shoulder and led him off down the hallway. "Tell me...more."
Joimus, not taking her eyes off the strange pairing, walked up to Himself. "I'm not at all sure that's a good idea."
Himself, more concerned with getting the statues to the Valley of the Giants in one piece, shrugged. "Perhaps not, but now I've got bigger fish to fry."
"Fish," said Terry. "I'm hungry. I haven't had a bite in six months."
"Sorry, Baby," annsmac sighed, looking at his stoney lower regions.
"Yeah," Berti chortled, "what goes in must come...out."
"You...you mean I can't EAT until we find the single tingle!" he moaned.
"'Fraid not," Berti answered. "Maybe some ice chips on the lips."
"I need a drink," Himself muttered. "I'll be at the bar in the W."
"Blue," Aubrey said.
"What?"
"Blue," Aubrey repeated. "The W's now Blue."
"They painted the hotel BLUE while I was gone?"
"No, Himself. The hotel isn't the W anymore. Now it's Blue."
"He means," Joimus supplied, "that the W was bought by Indian
Hotels, Inc. and they changed the name to 'Blue'."
"The name is...'Blue'?" Himself asked blankly. "Why?"
"I have no idea, Himself," Joimus said. "But Sid likes it."
Sometimes...she...didn't even HAVE to come up with stwange concepts. The Aussies did it all by themselves.
"He would," Maximus growled, thinking of the puddle of blue he'd left
upon the carpet that day when he'd first discovered the paternity of Bunny's baby...that day when he had taken purple and squeezed every last drop of blue from it. Yet...still...why did the thought of purple bring with it a sudden, sharp pang of memory, the sound of waterfalls?
(SEE: YOOK)
Joimus studied his face, understanding. The thought of...green... still hurt and probably always would. It had been something so beyond this world...something so profound...that its ending was still unthinkable.
She studied Sid's back as he walked down the far end of the long hallway. Then sighed. If only they had never gone to Ayres. She cast her mind back to when they were trudging up the Escarpment and Maximus' leg hurt him so much. Sid had supported him the whole way up, watching over him, tending to him. Then there was the bed of leaves he'd made for them at Cathedral Rocks. Sid and Max turned the corner and were gone from her view. She sighed again.
Berti watched Joimus with narrowed eyes. Was what the Pittsburgher was thinking possibly...laying groundwork? Would she DO that?
Joimus looked at the Louisianananan. WHY couldn't everybody just be
from Kansas?! Writing would be so much simpler! She arched one eyebrow, knowing that the Louisiananananananan was reading her thoughts, a feat made many times easier by their appearing in front of her in black and white. One of these days, Joimus promised herself, she would think only in color.
Himself wandered back into his apartment. Pausing on his way to his 'fridge for several beers, he checked quickly to see if the harbor were still in its right place. "Thank God!" he muttered, then turned to gather as many cold VB's as his arms could hold.
"HIMSELF!" Phyllis shrieked joyously, catching sight of him as he sank deeply into the soft couch, bottles clinking. As happy as she was to see him again, she did count the bottles in his arms. "Seventeen, Himself? Was captivity THAT stressful?"
He closed his eyes, nodding wearily as he downed number three in a single, long gulp. She sat beside him, unable to throw her arms about him for the moment due to the VB barrier. Reaching out, she wiped a trickle of beer off his chin fondly. Half-opening his lids, he flicked her finger with his tongue. She laughed and he let the remaining bottles slide noisily to the floor.
Wanda quietly closed the apartment door behind her as she and Lachlan slipped into the hall, leaving Himself and Phyllis alone. Lachlan grinned. "He's been gone a...long...time, you know."
Wanda looked at the statues, grateful beyond measure that Lachlan had not followed any of them through the strange doorway and down the spiral steps to their stoney doom. "Will you be flying us across Australia?" she suddenly wondered, looking at the airman.
"I understand we're taking the train," he replied, his brow knitting.
"The TRAIN!" Wanda burst out! Every single living being in the hallway stopped dead in their tracks. That was it, you know. The dead in the tracks thing. That's what they feared. And with most excellent reason. Had they not all first gotten sucked into epidom on the Orient Express? Had not they endured the horror and unimaginable (well, now SOMEONE had imagined it, now hadn't they?) terror aboard and even unaboard the Polar Express? Their history with train travel was rather...egregious. It was GOING to be, well, appalling...but she never could remember if appalling were spelt with with one or two "p's" and so it became egregious as she never once in her life had ever tried to spell that eggregious.
Wanda turned, eyes wild, looking at Lachlan. "The TRAIN!" she repeated repetitiously (a MUCH harder word, what with all those 'e's and 'i's scattered about!). "Not...not...the TRAIN!!!!" No wonder poor Johnny had fainted at the prospect of not only having to deal with 'The Crossing' but also with....tracks.
Gasping for breath, she managed to stammer, "W...wh...what...train?"
"Why the Indian Pacific, of course!" Joimus supplied. "Straight across the trackless southern deserts."
"There...there...are no...tracks?" Wanda asked, her eyes going even wider.
"Of course there are tracks, WW," Joimus explained. "Trackless is just a...well, descriptive...term. Very descriptive, actually," she added in a way Wanda wished she really hadn't. Joimus just happened to have a railway brochure right there in her pocket. Handing it to Wanda, she tapped on the underlined section labeled 'Travel Insurance'. Wanda reluctantly looked down, reading, "Because Great Southern Railway's liability to you is limited, we strongly recommend that you take out travel insurance before leaving home to cover the following:". Her
eyes ran down the list, fastening upon the 4th line. "Accidental death."
Joimus smiled. "Be sure to get some of that," she said brightly. "It could come in...handy."
Like a fly in some vast web, helpless, Wanda continued to read. "Extensions to this sub-clause will be valid unless you: become ill, die on route, or have an immediate family member who dies while traveling." She looked at Lachlan. "Do you count as my immediate family member?" she asked, lip trembling.
Joimus snatched the brochure back. "Now THIS is the REALLY interesting part," she announced, reading aloud: "Permissible Baggage: You may take the following baggage aboard providing that it is not, in the complete discretion of the GSR, considered inappropriate or unsafe because of its size, shape, weight or character and is appropriately packed and identified for travel." She looked at the statues. "See what we have to deal with," she sighed. "Not just death, but appropriate BAGGAGE!"
How WOULD they overcome it!?!
TO BE CONTINUED>>>>SORTA........AS A WHOLE NEW
GENERATION OF EPIS CALLED:
First Storyline=A Strong Tower